The Mini is Hustle

Of course on Saturday night I went out. This weekend I went to Hustle. Great place, but not sure about the name, especially when pronounced with a Cypriot accent. It kind of sounds like castle or hassle. As in ‘you’re such a hassle’ δηλαδή ενοχλητικός. Αλλά anyway… So I went there and bumped into a bunch of people I don’t want to know. First person I saw was an FTF, which means Friends That F… And although we were intimate, we never really got to know each other outside of the bedroom, so although at one point I sat down opposite her we didn’t greet each other because, well... no one knows haw to deal with things like this really. I didn’t really want to say hola but I didn’t want to ignore the chica either. In the end I left it and she kept smoking. And then I told my friend about her who said ‘she did what? Really?’

Then I bumped into the Nicosia Housewife. She was sitting with Fashionista who was looking great actually dressed in black and sipping martinis. But the Nicosia Housewife looked 10 years younger than she looked 10 years ago. The woman’s face was stretched to the limit, it looked like an elastic band, it was botox’d up to such a degree that you thought she polished her forehead. She had better skin than her baby.

Then, sitting down with my friends I noticed a girl who was sitting opposite us. She was more of a guuurrrl than a girl. She must have been about 22 with bleached blonde hair (a natural fake blonde) and was wearing a black kind of top and, get this, white hot pants and heels. And she was slouching on the sofa which made her hot pants ride higher up on her body. And I was scandalized.

If she was at the beach, then by all means dress like that. If she was at a beach bar in Limassol at 6pm, for a smoothie, then fine. But in Nicosia, at 12.30am, in Hustle, in the Coffee Strip (the area between Brewery and Hustle) and is practically lying down, talking to no one showing almost everything is not wrong per se, but it’s not really right either. As Whitney sings ‘it’s not right but it’s okay’.
My friends were like ‘what’s the big deal?’
I’m like ‘hello, this is Ni-co-seee-ah!’
And they’re like ‘so?’
I don’t know, maybe it’s me, maybe I’ve become a psonara, but I was shocked. I mean she looked good, but she looked good for a Victoria Secret catalogue rather than a drink with friends at Hustle (or should I say hassle?).