I look like a Communist?

I don’t vote according to political parties. I don’t vote according to ideology. I vote according to my interests and what the presidential candidate is ‘offering’ Cyprus. Therefore the left wing think I’m a fascist and the right wing think I’m a communist. I’m neither.

However, the other day at a cocktail party sipping on a martini (shaken and stirred) when someone told me that I look like a communist. I was wearing my Gucci shirt and tie and Armani trousers, my Cavalli trousers and environmentally-friendly faux alligator-skin shoes. I couldn’t have looked more high-class unless I came out of a limo. And I still looked like a communist?!
I want to know what rich, consumer-driven communist nation this person was talking about. I thought communists wore red. I mean isn’t that their colour? Or maybe they wear Omonia colours; green? I was wearing a white shirt and grey trousers! And I still looked like a commie! Was he insane? My communist friends think I am the most materialistic, shallow, selfish person (with a good heart tho) who roamed Nicosia. And now I’m told I look like a comrade? I’m confused.

When I asked this person to press on he said it’s because I look like I have a cold attitude towards people. Cold as in Russia? Maybe he got the feeling of those cold Russian communist winters around me. Or that I’m too authoritarian, like Stalin. Or maybe it’s because I’m all about sharing the love. I just don’t share my drink.

Speaking of communism. I really want to run Russia. I can actually see myself running the place from my office in the Kremlin. Ok, I hardly speak the language and all I know about Russia is vodka, but I look like a communist apparently which I’m sure they’d like, although Russia is now ultra-capitalist, but I like challenge so I should run the place.