If you in a relationship right now, consider yourself lucky. Not because you are ugly as sin and someone has randomly fallen in love with you, but because it is nice in today’s day and age to have someone special there beside you. For those of you who are not in a relationship, consider yourself lucky that you’re single; as you have the option to find someone rich (and hopefully stupid and not too ugly) to marry without cheating on your partner, like relationship people do.
I have a little theory, which most of you will agree with. That some people in this world are naturally relationship people, and other aren’t. My latest girlfriend (GF no.278) was in three relationships, except when she was studying (gee… I wonder what she did in between lectures?).
Anyway, her Rels (relationships) lasted for 4 months, then uni, 4 years and 6 months. How? How does someone move from one relationship to the other? Of course she carries around baggage; no matter what you do, the older you get will mean having more baggage, but at least hers are from relationships whereas mine are from bar-skanks and bad dates… and a couple of dysfunctional relationships thrown in for good measure. So when I enter a relationship instead of jealousy issues I will have issues with you not asking to buy me another shot of tequila while we sit in the kitchen having breakfast (which in my opinion is infinitely better than having jealousy issues of course).
Someone at the office asked me what’s happening with my GF no. 278. I told him that it didn’t work out. ‘Another one dumped you again?’ he asked. It hurt because it’s the truth. And it hurts, not because she was special to me, we had only been going out for two weeks, but I never lose. And here I am entering a new relationship and I lose once more. The again, Amy Winehouse does sing ‘love is a losing game’ so I guess I’m not the only one. I suppose that’s some consolation. But Amy W. is a drug-addict now, I am not. (But she is married and I am not).
So I guess it comes down to the fact that I’m not one of the relationship people (unless a rel with an email account counts – 9 years people! My email should have its own website). So what do you do when a) you’re BabyBusinessMan b) you can’t find anyone good c) no one wants to date you d) you like showing off and image is everything and e) you view everything as a business deal? Guess. Have you guessed? Ok, this is the answer: you trade love for money. From kiss-kiss you go to ka-ching. Isn’t that the best idea?
I know I’m being cynical, but after almost 10 years of dating, I’m tired. If there is something wrong with me, then no one tells me what it is. Maybe it’s that I’m too amazing for you all… but there’s nothing I can do about that. But think about it, looking for love has got me nowhere. It has made matters worse instead of better, and the annoying thing is; I’m a catch. I’m not a psycho, I don’t smell, I speak Spanish and do yoga. What’s not to like? Well… a lot apparently depending on who you ask. So I’m looking for a relationship that instead of enhancing my love-life will enhance my profile and image. I mean I am BabyBusinessMan and this is Nicosia.
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