Frenemies // Shapeshifters

Frenemies. Half friends, half enemies, half human, half monster, they can be the doing and undoing of your fortune, and hold sway over your luck the way the three fates did in mythical ancient Greece. With one comment they can make you feel like a million bucks (you are the best friend I ever had) or they can bring your world crashing down (she’ll never even talk to you).
But how do you handle friends that can turn into enemies in a matter of seconds? Like shapeshifters, they metamorphose into a jealous raging green-eyed monster right when you wanted them to be there for you.

Social Shapeshifters (aka Frenemies) switch tact right when you need them and their opinion most.
I was at a club (as usual) on Friday night, and I ask for a girl’s number.
‘Oooh. It doesn’t look good’ said one female enemy in the form of a friend. ‘She’s looking at you and talking about you to her friend, and she is not smiling. I’d forget about it, if I were you.’
What a wonderful person! (Disclaimer: this Shapeshifter, once wanted to date me. After a little fun on the dance floor, I felt it wasn’t for me, but we hung out anyway as she was my friend’s friend. And now apparently my frenemy).
When I spoke to Party-Animal about it, as he was there, his explanation was that she is young. My explanation is that she is a Frenemy. Plus, when I was young I never behaved like that: I behaved better. As I set the standard high, I feel as if I earned the right to judge her. So here I am. Judging.
As it happens, the girl gave me her number and I we spent the next day together after she invited me to her ex-boyfriend’s pool while he wasn’t home (seriously). But that’s for another post.

I have another friend, who likes me but sees me as competition. Whatever I do, whatever I say, wear, think, drink; he mimics. So now he has become a caricature of me. An over-the-top version of BabyBusinssMan. He’s OvergrownBabyBusinessMan! The only thing he can’t do is yoga (I should put the video of him doing Sun Salutations on YouTube. It’s like Tube gone wrong). Nor can he speak Spanish the way I do. The proper way!
They say that imitation is a form of flattery. This may be the case if Justin Timberlake was copying your style and your every move. Not the man who calls himself my friend and wear a kind of black lacy shirt at a café that looks like his grandmother’s old curtains gone goth!

Here is an excerpt from Mean Girls when they talk about Frenemies:
Regina: We do not have a clique problem at this school.
Gretchen: But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".
Regina: What are "frenemies"?
Gretchen: Frenemies are enemies who act like friends. We call them "frenemies".
Karen: Or "enemends".
Gretchen: Or friends who secretly hate you, we call them "fraitors".
Regina: [rolls eyes] That is so gay.
Karen: [gasps] What if we called them "mean-em-aitors"?
Regina: [scoffs]
Gretchen: No, honey, it has to have the word "friend" in it.
Karen: Oh...

I’ve also included an article about Frenemies at work, published in BusinessWeek. It’s gripping stuff!
http://www.businessweek.com/careers/content/jun2007/ca20070614_437227.htm

So now don’t go saying that I haven’t warned you! I look out for my readers! Who do you think I’m here for? I love you guys… or maybe I’m just your Frenemy and I’m lying and I secretly hate you all… you’ll never even know.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (mad laughter fading as I run into the sunset).