Why I won't date you...

So I am dating this girl, and I don’t know why. I think she likes me but I can’t be bothered. A year ago I would never have played someone like this, but this year, after all the shit that happened, relationship-wise, I have totally changed. I am a lot less considerate, a lot more ruthless and a lot more aloof. I’ll date you and then dump you. If you remember a few posts ago I dumped some Anglo-Cyprian chick for telling me her rented villa cost 1.5 million. And I think I made a good choice, despite leaving her in the restaurant with an €85 dinner bill to pay. If she can afford 1.5 for a villa, surely she can afford the dinner bill and handle my hostility.
So I am dating this new girl who doesn’t really excite me. I just don’t care what she says, I just want to… anyway…

Anyway recently I was a bit depressed as my relationship with BabyX completely fell apart and so did my world. Until I decided to plat the game as ruthlessly as they do. That’s when I got thinking, that I haven’t been the nicest person to date either. Ok, I never led anyone on as I do now, although I’m not playing them, I just tell them I don’t want anything serious (although I do just not with them). So I made a list of the reasons why I dumped people.

1) Her driving. Whenever she would overtake a car, she would drive right up to it then change lane.
2) Drinking tea. At midnight. Instead of alcohol. Although maybe that’s because she wanted to be energetic all night.
3) Never drinking beer. No teetotallers. If you don’t drink alcohol then I don’t date you.
4) Talking about her ex on the first date. If she does that she wants to be with him not with me.
5) Talking about herself all the time. I’m not Oprah and you are not my guest on the show. Although like all guest-stars on any show, they have to go.
6) Having too many stuffed animals on her bed.
7) Being frigid and saying that lips are only for kissing. I tried to explain that we can kiss different parts of our body, even after I showed her. But she wouldn’t have it. Although I know she enjoyed it.
8) Not owning a mobile phone. How am I supposed to contact her? By sending a pigeon with a note attached?
9) Asking what car I drive. Then telling me that her dad's car is bigger. I responded by saying that's although he has a bigger car he has a smaller...
10) Not being BabyX.

Ironically I had a really good time with a dominatrix by night and banker by day who owned a Doberman. That could have worked if the dog didn’t eat the keys of the handcuffs she had on me when she chained me to her bed naked. Although I still would have dated her, but then she moved to Prague to play the accordion, and I don’t like the accordion, so that couldn’t have worked!

Meeting BabyX

There have only been two people I loved so far. Now, I am a businessman, and so I don’t like to deal with feelings. Instead I prefer dealing with stocks and finances. However, when I do deal with feelings, specifically my feelings with other people, specifically romantic feelings, I don’t hold back. I go all the way. And that’s how I fall in love without a second thought. Without any thought!

Two years ago I was in a relationship with my Israeli-Baby. It got so serious that I converted to Judaism and we were going to have a Big Fat Greek-Jewish Wedding. Of course none of this happened. We broke up, I remained a Jew (because I made a commitment to the religion not just to her), she set up a business in Athens and moved back to Tel Aviv, got back with her ex and now live together in an area called Ramat Gan. When my heartbreak was over, I started dating and then I found BabyX. Actually she found me, but that’s another story.

Now, I won’t go into details, but BabyX like Israeli-Baby was wrong for me. Though we stayed ‘friends’ (I don’t know how people stay friends with their exes) I cut off contact with her (I even deleted her from my facebook !!!!!) and never wanted to see her again.
Until I did. In zoo. With my someone else. But not who you think.
‘BabyBusinessMan, hey. How are you?’ she said coming up to me, looking great and showing me her most amazing smile. She touched me lightly on the chest and leaned in where I could inhale her deep scent (Chanel Numver 5). She drove me crazy. I wanted her but…
‘I’m fine BabyX, how are you?’ I said friendly but distant. And trying not to appear too drunk.
‘I’m fine. You are looking good. So sexy.’ So was she. She was also excellent at PR. Even after a relationship has withered and ended. I glanced to a person next to her. There was a girl who looked so familiar. It couldn’t be! Could it?
Next to BabyX, was MyNemesis!

Now, MyNemesis was the nastiest, bitchiest girl you will ever meet (who now works in Nicosia but lives in Limassol – so at least there is distance between us). We had such abusive fights (verbal - I would never hit a girl) at school that teachers actually had trouble stopping the swearing. Recently I bumped into MyNemesis before I dated BabyX in Nicosia, and she seemed really nice and friendly. But then, so did Judas.

As I was saying I never wanted to see My Nemesis again (because I hated her) and I never wanted to see BabyX again (because I loved/love her and it is just too painful). So there I am in Zoo with my good friend Cake, dancing, drinking and having a good time when BabyX appeared and wanted to say ‘hello.’ It became a lot worse when the person I hated was with her too. And my mood just dropped. I wanted to smash through the glass on the fourth floor onto the ground below. Of course I didn’t. So instead I drank two more vodka-oranges, a beer, a whiskey and then another beer. I was so drunk that when I got home I puked in the toilet, in the bath and by my bed. Now that’s sexy!
‘How do you know MyNemesis?’ I asked BabyX.
‘From around’ she said and holding my hand.
From around? How is that possible? They didn’t even go to the same school they didn’t even live in the same city. They had five years age difference between them, and they were there, in zoo, looking hot, and talking to me. WHAT? What is going on?

And guys, the irony, the fucking irony! In front of me stood love and hate. The girl I was crazy for, BabyX was with the girl I hated MyNemesis. And what’s more, they were friends!
It made me realise Cyprus is so small. For some reason I have a problem with dimensions and think this place is London. Or because people think I am a foreigner I slip under the radar. But in fact I am Cypriot, I live in Nicosia now, and as it turns out, I know people who know people I dated. I don’t think I’m in London anymore Toto!
‘Anyway, it’s great seeing you’ she said and left tossing her hair back, with MyNemsis smiling sweetly and waving.

In the end though, I got what I wanted; not to see them again. And I haven’t seen them since. Although now, I want to, because I want to know everything: how they know each other; what they do together and what they think of me. Probably, to them, I’m another asshole BabyBusinessMan. But it’s true what BabyX said though. I did look good in the club. At least I could sleep at night now (when I am not puking that is).

The truth about Aradipou architechture

DISCLAIMER:

Yesterday I wrote about my friend who wanted to have a threesome in Aradipou and I mentioned that it would probably take place in the bottom of a gutter.

Dear Readers, I was mistaken. One fellow blogger Τσαρτελλούι (whose fun and insightful blog you can find in the link section further down) actually corrected me and said that, although A/pou is still trashy...

'Sex in Aradipou means it 'll be in an ugly-Parthenon-wanna-be-mansion. Ξέρεις, που τζείνα τα τεράστια κακόγουστα κτίσματα με τις κολόνες δωρικού τύπου και τα αετώματα. Στο 2008.'

So there you have it! I don't know what's worse. In a gutter or in an ugly mansion. Personally I wouldn't know what to do first in a house like that. Get laid or redecorate.

But, the reason I made this mistake and said that sex will take place in a gutter instead of a distasteful, ugly mansion with over-the-top Greek columns is because I have only been to Aradipou once, and that is only because I got lost going to the airport. I have only been back in Cyprus for a year and don't know the way. When you end up in Aradipou, you want to get out of there as soon as possible and so I didn't take it all the sites! Who would want to?

Luckily I found the airport, and wanted to board a plane after seeing what A/pou is like. But I just picked up friend and drove the long way round, back to Nicosia.

So thanks again Tsartelloui! You learn something new every day!

Threesome in Aradipou? In Aradipou?

Eurotrash called me up from a club while I was trying to get my sleep before an important business meeting I had the next day.
‘BabyBiz, listen, I need your help. I’m in a club’ he said this as if I couldn’t hear the blaring music ‘and this really hot and cool and rich but scary couple propositioned me for a threesome.’
‘Straight couple of gay couple?’ I asked now suddenly awake and curious.
‘Straight! But didn’t you hear me? I said that are hot and rich and cool but scary.’ (as if the threesome detail didn’t matter).
‘Well I don’t know, I mean, don’t you have work tomorrow?’ I asked.
‘Is that all you think about? Work?’
‘If it gives me money then yes. Plus I have a big business meeting tomorrow, I’m meeting the head of the fashion…’
‘Hello! This is not about your meeting with some big shot boss. This is about me, meeting a rich and hot and cool yet scary couple in their bedroom after the club closes.’
‘Well, how do you feel about it?’
‘I’m in the toilet of a club, shouting, about a possible threesome. How do you think I feel? They have a huge house in Aradipou and…’
‘Wait. What? They live in Aradipou? I don’t know what’s worse, having a threesome with a strange couple or having a threesome in Aradipou. I think you should consider your option!’
‘What? Why? What’s wrong with Aradipou.’
‘Eurotrash. It’s the arm-pit of Cyprus. I mean the word ends in ‘pou’ which sounds like ‘poo.’ Think about it. Coincidence? Sex in Nicosia means you’ll do it in a mansion, or more likely in Strovolo, which is a jungle. Sex in Limassol means it’ll be in a new apartment by the beach. In Napa, it’ll probably be in the bathroom of a club, but in Arapidpou? Try having it at the bottom of a gutter!’
‘BabyBusinessMan, you are not being helpful. I’m going to ask Party-Animal!’
‘Sure, because with a name like Party-Animal you’re bound to get good advice!’
He yelled something at me and then I heard the bouncer come and get him out of the toilet thinking that Eurotrash was in there doing cocaine. I’m surprised he wasn’t if I may be completely honest.

He never did tell me what he decided. He never returned my calls until one week later when he was at another club asking me whether he should enter a wet t-shirt competition. I told him they were for women. I mean being Eurotrash, it’s something he should know. Right?

Entering Limassol

Friendship-Coutoure

So I’ve been seeing this girl I met in a bar last week. You can’t miss her. She is the bar woman after all. So I invited her to spend some time with me at a pool bar the next day. I didn’t expect her to turn up, but she did, with a friend (who I almost accidentally dated – but that’s another blog story).
It turns out we got on really well and met up again. And again. And again.

But I didn’t want to screw things up as I usually do. Ordinarilly, if I like someone, I want to be with them. It’s just like that. I love you or hate you. There is no like. But as I had such a tough year, dating-wise, I didn’t want to open up my heart – and neither did she.

Now , Although I liked her, I decided to try a new tactic. Not to be so full-on and to appear a lot more relaxed.
‘I like you.’ I began ‘but I don’t want a relationship. Whatever I say to you, wherever I invite you, it’s as a friend. Sure we have sex, but I like spending time with you in this context, rather than in a romantic context.’
And she agreed with me. She nodded her head vigorously, and reiterated what I had just said by saying that he just came out of a relationship and didn’t want anything serious either. And so we decided to chill, and let it flow (can you imagine? Me? BabyBusinessMan who is so used to schedules and deadlines letting it flow? What am I? A rapper now?)

But still… that’s what I decided to do. Just see where it goes. Without an agenda. And you know what; I actually began enjoying myself; just spending time with someone, talking, going to the beach and having sex without trying to turn this into a relationship wasn’t too bad. We could hang out and go clubbing and feeling won’t get in the way. Or will they?

That’s when I got thinking… what if… for example… we are at a club together, as friend, and then he meets someone else, and decided to go home with him. What next? We are friends but we also fuck. It’s the grey zone between friendship and relationship, the undefined blurring of the lines of dating no-man’s line. What happens then? How would I feel, and what do I do about it? So decided to ask my two goo friends, Party-Animal and Eurotrash.

‘There is nothing you can do’ said Party-Animal. ‘As you said BabyBusinessMan, it’s a grey zone. There are no rules.’
‘But doesn’t that mean that because there are no rules, you can do what you want?’
‘Yes, but so can she… which he is what she is doing, if she decides to get with someone in the club. So you’ll have to deal with it. You can’t lay claim on your friendship the way you can on your girlfriend.’
‘But what if it me who invited her to the club? As my date?’
‘But she is not your date, she is your friend. And even if it seems rude that she’ll hook up with someone else, it’s not a relationship, it’s friendship!’
He kind of has a point…

‘No! Not at all!’ said Eurotrash. ‘If you are together in a club and together in bed, you are together, no matter what you call it.’
‘But it’s not called a relationship.’
‘But in a way it is a relationship whether it has the relationship label or not. What is it with you an labels?’
‘It’s more like friendship-couture. Something more than friends but less than friendship.’ I tried to explain.
‘Whatever. If you spend time together socially and sexually you are together despite what label you put on it. Plus, she works in a bar, she must meet guys all the time. Doesn’t that bother you?’
‘Hmmm… not really, if I don’t see it, then did it ever happen?’
‘So it’s only a relationship when you’re together?’ Mel asked.
‘It’s not a relationship’ I stressed.
‘You’re right, it’s friendship- couture.’
I kind of have a point…

But the irony is, I’m meant to be having a good time. Why am I stressing? I should just go with the flow. Right? Sometimes it’s hard being a baby-business-man!

(What do you guys think? Honestly... what's your opinion? If you're my readers, you gotta have an opinion)

About Nicosia

NICOSIA URBAN AREA
Journal Article by: Christodoulos Demetriou

(Extracts from his paper. Highly recommended)

Historically, Nicosia has been the main focal point for Cyprus and the seat of national government. Above all, Nicosia is the major centre for employment, culture, higher education and specialized services.

Although Cyprus is an island, its major urban settlement is located in the interior and in particular close to the geographical centre of the island on the western boundary of the Mesaoria Plain. The urban settlement is the city of Nicosia - the capital of the republic - and its environs (the Nicosia Urban Area).

The Nicosia Urban Area lies just to the north of the geographical centre of the island at
an elevation of 160 metres above sea level and is being traversed by the seasonal stream
of Pediaios. In 2001, the population of the Nicosia Urban Area was 230,000, by far
the biggest on the island. 198,200 live in the government-controlled southern quarter while the rest live in the Turkish-occupied northern quarter.

The United Nations-administered buffer zone is a no man’s land that crosses the island from
the western to the eastern coast (it is part of the area controlled by the Government of Cyprus and lies to the south of the positions of the Turkish invading forces). The length of
the buffer zone is 187 km and its width up to 5 km. The "Green Line", which is a component of the buffer zone, bisects the core of the old city of Nicosia (walled section) and in some parts its width is not greater than that of an alley. The "Green Line" originates as a term in the coloured line drawn on a map by the British General Young on 30 December 1963.

The existence of the "Green Line" has undermined the centrality of the old city and turned it into a "border" town or an "edge zone" of marginal importance. The psychological factor, which is associated with "border" areas, forced the relocation of major and important uses and
public/civic services in other parts of the city and the Urban Area. Even though the "Green
Line" is an invisible barrier - not a built one - it displays similar characteristics with those of the former Berlin Wall because it forcibly separates the two (ethnic) communities of Cyprus and prohibits human interaction

Under the Hot Sun

I know I shouldn't, but this is all I think about now that it is deep, hot, sweaty summer!

Sorry. Can't help it. I am human after all!

No water? Buy more clothes!

This is for Τσαρτελλούι, who appreciated the first photo.
(Check out her blog here: http://tsartelloui.blogspot.com/)

See the less water we have, the more sales we have!

For those of you who don't speak Greek, the ad reads: No water? Buy more clothes! 50% off!

Frenemies // Shapeshifters

Frenemies. Half friends, half enemies, half human, half monster, they can be the doing and undoing of your fortune, and hold sway over your luck the way the three fates did in mythical ancient Greece. With one comment they can make you feel like a million bucks (you are the best friend I ever had) or they can bring your world crashing down (she’ll never even talk to you).
But how do you handle friends that can turn into enemies in a matter of seconds? Like shapeshifters, they metamorphose into a jealous raging green-eyed monster right when you wanted them to be there for you.

Social Shapeshifters (aka Frenemies) switch tact right when you need them and their opinion most.
I was at a club (as usual) on Friday night, and I ask for a girl’s number.
‘Oooh. It doesn’t look good’ said one female enemy in the form of a friend. ‘She’s looking at you and talking about you to her friend, and she is not smiling. I’d forget about it, if I were you.’
What a wonderful person! (Disclaimer: this Shapeshifter, once wanted to date me. After a little fun on the dance floor, I felt it wasn’t for me, but we hung out anyway as she was my friend’s friend. And now apparently my frenemy).
When I spoke to Party-Animal about it, as he was there, his explanation was that she is young. My explanation is that she is a Frenemy. Plus, when I was young I never behaved like that: I behaved better. As I set the standard high, I feel as if I earned the right to judge her. So here I am. Judging.
As it happens, the girl gave me her number and I we spent the next day together after she invited me to her ex-boyfriend’s pool while he wasn’t home (seriously). But that’s for another post.

I have another friend, who likes me but sees me as competition. Whatever I do, whatever I say, wear, think, drink; he mimics. So now he has become a caricature of me. An over-the-top version of BabyBusinssMan. He’s OvergrownBabyBusinessMan! The only thing he can’t do is yoga (I should put the video of him doing Sun Salutations on YouTube. It’s like Tube gone wrong). Nor can he speak Spanish the way I do. The proper way!
They say that imitation is a form of flattery. This may be the case if Justin Timberlake was copying your style and your every move. Not the man who calls himself my friend and wear a kind of black lacy shirt at a café that looks like his grandmother’s old curtains gone goth!

Here is an excerpt from Mean Girls when they talk about Frenemies:
Regina: We do not have a clique problem at this school.
Gretchen: But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".
Regina: What are "frenemies"?
Gretchen: Frenemies are enemies who act like friends. We call them "frenemies".
Karen: Or "enemends".
Gretchen: Or friends who secretly hate you, we call them "fraitors".
Regina: [rolls eyes] That is so gay.
Karen: [gasps] What if we called them "mean-em-aitors"?
Regina: [scoffs]
Gretchen: No, honey, it has to have the word "friend" in it.
Karen: Oh...

I’ve also included an article about Frenemies at work, published in BusinessWeek. It’s gripping stuff!
http://www.businessweek.com/careers/content/jun2007/ca20070614_437227.htm

So now don’t go saying that I haven’t warned you! I look out for my readers! Who do you think I’m here for? I love you guys… or maybe I’m just your Frenemy and I’m lying and I secretly hate you all… you’ll never even know.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (mad laughter fading as I run into the sunset).

Mixed Fruits and Yoghurt for Breakfast

I was visiting friends in Paphos last week (but that’s for another blog update) and one of my friends’ friends who was staying there made me this amazing, healthy-breakfast in the morning. It was fruit, too many to mention and on top was a huge scooping of yoghurt! It was delicious and felt like I had eaten a whole meal by the end of it. As I am BabyBusinessMan, I get up early and although am hungry I don’t eat (who can eat so early in the morning?) and so I often skip the most important meal of the day. However, I think some fruit in the morning if you have time, is the perfect start to the day. Above is a picture of the delicious meal he made! Thanks again!

Bad Mood // High Maintenance

I am in a foul mood. In a bad bad mood! I promised myself I wouldn’t turn this blog into one of those ‘dear diary’ blogs or the type that have updates on how you feel, but I don’t care, I’m going to write what I want, and if you don’t like it then you can get your passport and leave the Hidden Empire, perhaps by visiting the links below? I recommend Cake’s and Hamesh Shahani’s (talk about blatant advertising).

So I waited until 1.30am to go on a Saturday night. I don’t mind 12 or even 12.30 but by 1am, if I am not on the dance floor, then I want to be in bed, even if I am alone! So today my Dad takes my phone accidentally and leaves me disconnected from the most important people in the world, who are all on my mobile, and I go to the club and my friend is 25 minutes late, and then this random I’m seeing gave me mixed signals, and people were being annoying and smoking and I got kicked out of sitting in the VIP area as I didn’t have a VIP pass (although let’s face it I am a VIP aren’t I? If you don’t believe me ask the Nicosia Housewife… actually don’t).

Anyway, so I am in the club, in a foul mood, with weird vibes, my friend comes in, and he’s like ‘hi’ I’m like ‘hi… and bye… I’m leaving’ and he was so upset, and I feel for him, but when you are pissed off and bored and want to punch people, a bar in not the best place to be. I seriously understand why so many famous people and VIPs (like me) go nuts in bars. Rock stars especially! They are so pissed off and being in a bar only compounds that sentiment.

So here I am in my boxers (looking good) and feeling like a loser because it’s 1.59am on a Saturday night and I’m blogging. To you random people. Like I give a shit! Like you give a shit! If you are reading this on a Saturday night then people email me so we can both be losers who are pissed off together!

You know what I realised though? That I am high maintenance. I never thought so, but I now realise I am. I am easy going, but I need to be maintained, preferably by professionals. And you can only find those as PAs in Hollywood. Do I live in Hollywood? But then I realised that all things are that High Maintenance are of quality (yeah, quality material for a soap opera) but still…

But here is my theory
High Maintenance = High Society
I mean it’s not like a tramp will be high maintenance right? So the more high maintenance you are the higher you are in society. The why does everyone think I am like 17?

My friend Milky who is studying to be a shrink would make a fortune if I hired her as me shrink and/or someone to maintain me. My other good friend Cake, well her husband is a shrink. How smart is she? She is as neurotic as me (with good recipes for cakes) and has bagged herself a shrink who will give her therapy 24/7! I want one! What do I have? My Mum? She’s nag me. That’ll only make me want a shrink more!

So I’m still pissed off and am going to bed. But now I’m in an even more bad mood because I know that everyone at the club will be having a good time and I’ll be missing out.
CORRECTION: they would have been having a good time, but as they didn’t maintain me well and I left, they are having a rubbish time.

(If only I could believe myself. My clients do though. That’s why the call me BabyBusinessMan).

Introducing the Nicosia Housewife

Some say she’s a myth, fashionistas say she’s a legend. Her neighbour’s say she’s a bitch. In fact, she is all of these things… and more. The real power in Cyprus does not lie with the Communist, in fact, it lies with the Nicosia Housewife. From there she reigns like an evil (but fashionable) dictator over the land, but specifically, the restaurants, bars, fashion boutiques, schools, gyms and any public places where people may interact. Which is why, many people have many different things to say about her. After all there is only one Nicosia Housewife.

Sandra Sanchez, 43, ex-cook.
Before the Nicosia Skank Housewife fired me and sent me back to Honduras, I used to cook for her. She used to eat cookies all the time and booze too. Once, when she was bored, she would have the pool-boy come and clean the pool three times a week. I used to see her throw things in the pool, flowers, her sweater, the dog, so he could clean it. The she used to watch the pool-boy clean the pool! Then she had an affair with him, after her ex-husband Filthy Rich slept with her PA! When she found them together in the sauna, she locked them in, and I had to rescue them.

Filthy Rich, 52, ex-husband
I made that woman become the number one Housewife in Cyprus! And all because I was a little too nice to her PA she divorces me! The bitch! And then she gets the house, because without it, she wouldn’t be the Nicosia housewife.

Maria Kleanthou, 30, maid
When she stayed in the Hotel Grande Bretagne in Athens, she got so angry that there were no mints on her pillow that she threw the television out of the window! Can you believe that?

Cake, 25, owns a Cake Shop
She is my neighbour! She is so rude. Once I saw her try to kiss the pool-boy, and she never cleans up after the dog when she takes it for a walk! I hate it when the street is clean. After all, this isn’t just Nicosia we live in… this is Engomi!

Anna Wintour, Editor of Vogue
Love her! Just love her! Next time I’m in Nicosia, we’ll have to do lunch!

The Pool-Boy, 25, cleans pools
She tried to kiss me! I just wanted to drive her Porsche and use her gym. She said I could take the car for a ride after I gave her one and clothing in the gym is not permitted! Guess what happened next… the pool got a whole lot dirtier!

Naomi Campbell, supermodel
Once, I saw the Nicosia Housewife in a fashion show in Milan. We got into a fight, and then she made me cry.

How Facebook Has Taken Over

I think people who spend too much time of Facebook pathetic. Now if you know me, you might say, ‘but BabyBusinessMan you have a FB profile and even created one for your cousin’s dog (God Rest his Soul) so what are you talking about? And also you have a blog! Loo-serr!’
True, I do have a Facebook account but I do not spend too much time on it, and I use it to see what everyone else is up to! And yes I did create one for my cousin’s dearly departed dog, because I loved Ziggy so much, and I believe that animals have the same rights as we do. And the blog… well you’re reading it… so if I am a loser then doesn’t that make you worse by reading the loser’s words?

But back to Facebook. I am all for staying in touch, and as I have friends all over the world (my world); Cake who lives across the street, the Nicosia Housewife who lives across the city, Laverne and her manic housemate Napoleon (Dynamite – she goes nuts often) who live in Greece and Crazy who lives in Washington DC. Plus I want to maintain my links with my Jewish friends in Israel. And also I like updating my photo album to show off where I have been; LA, Vegas, Tel Aviv, Athens, the Nicosia Housewife’s banquette (although I crashed that).

Once on Facebook I announced that: BabyBusinessMan is: in love with Hillary. And everyone went nuts. I got whole posts and messages asking why I wasn’t supporting Obama. Because Hillary added me as a friend and Obama didn’t! That’s why!

But what is the point in updating your profile every two minutes? Who cares if you are tired! I don’t! Who cares if you are going to buy some orange juice? Is it that interesting that you’ve Facebook’d it? And people take it so seriously? It’s a social network people! I was ‘married’ to my friend Laverne (the one with the whacky housemate) on FB and people actually started messaging us asking when we got married, if we have kids and why we didn’t invite them to the wedding. So she divorced me! And then, put up her real boyfriend! How rude! At one point, I got so pissed off of people asking me if I got married, that I said yes, we are! So to them we are married and to me they are stupid!

Another one of my ex-friends, added me on Facebook, insulted me for becoming Jewish and then announced her engagement to me via Facebook!!!!!!! And expected me to go to the wedding after she posted all her engagement photos on FB which she didn’t invite me to! I was Facebook-happy for her. Which meant I wrote that: BabyBusinessMan is: Happy 4 u! But in reality I was downing a whiskey!

An ex of mine, who has now deleted me from her contact list, used to compete with my brother Millionaire2B about ‘owning me’ as a pet! Not that the competition was fierce, I was worth only about $14,000 as opposed to my brother’s $100,000. And he used to tease me about it! Anyway, my ex and I didn’t get along, we deleted each other from our lives but to make sure we weren’t dating anyone else, kept each other as ‘friends’ on FB and then deleted each other. Then she added my friend, who was dating another girl, as her ‘pet.’ The scandal! And as silly as this sounds, that actually made the whole break-up harder and a lot more ridiculous.

Another ex-friend literally lives in FB, telling us about himself with useless information such as:
Which deodorant are you: Lynx
Which packet of crisps are you: Salt and Vinegar
Which Desperate Housewife are you: Lynette
Which Sex and the City girl are you: Samantha
Which Friend are you: NOT MINE! (real answer: Joey)

That’s just it, FB has the power to break friendships rather than destroy them and offers you a good opportunity to show which are your top friends (which I love) as well as having a bottom friends list (which I love even more).

I like FB but it has come to rule our lives. People are addicted to it, and so am I, only because I am addicted to people and what they are getting up to.
Janice is: looking for batteries for her…
Peter is: having a Mexican (meal that it)
BabyBusinessMan is: logging out and leaving the building!

But now I can see why people announce that they get married to Facebook. To make a point that they are grown up and through with all this rubbish. But then, why don’t they delete their account?

(Even though I just wrote this, it doesn't mean I'm going to stop using FB to promote my blog... I still love it.)

Men in Pink

I read an article for women about how to wear pink and not be too girly.
Answer: Be a man wearing a pink polo shirt!
Not that I am a fashion expert but duh! Isn’t the point of a woman wearing pink meant to make them more girly?

Morality Test

I just took a morality test at work and it turns out I’m a Judge (as opposed to an Angel or a teacher or a Philosopher or the one I wanted to be; the Guardian).

It turns out that I like honesty and that I like rules and regulations although I can break them for the cause of a higher principle. I like people who are honest, dutiful and principled, providing they have principles of courses. If they don’t then they shouldn’t even bother.

But it also says that I have a social conscious and care for the common good of people. This blog ought to prove otherwise…. but then again… maybe this is for a higher reason. Hmmmm? But it also says that I lack of empathy with other people. That makes me wonder if the person who wrote the questionnaire has been dating as long as I have! Because I’ll tell you what, dating around really sucks the goodness out of you, as many of you will know!

So what is the conclusion of the questionnaire? It makes me sound really astute and strict, like Bree from Desperate Housewives! But at least now I can imagine myself as a judge wearing a wig and shouting ‘order, order.’ Of course the only thing I ever ordered and got was a chicken salad!

The End of the Anglo-Cyprian Relationship

So it’s definitely over with the Anglo-Cyprian, even though it never really started to begin with!
‘Why don’t you come and spend time in my gorgeous 1.5 million villa by the sea?’ she cooed.
‘Why are you trying to impress me?’ I asked.
‘Oops, sorry. Old habits die hard.’
‘So who were you trying to impress before?’
She didn’t reply.

The conversation continues...
‘So what do you do now?’ I asked.
‘Now, I’m talking with you.’
‘I mean work wise’ I said bluntly as if I were giving and interview.
‘We had this discussion before’ she said.
‘We did? Was it asleep? I don’t remember. So what do you do?’
‘I used to own a night club in London…’
‘No now! What do you do now?’ I said getting angry.
‘Yes! Yes! I’m getting to that. Now, I am a property developer sometimes…’
‘Sometimes?’ I asked.
‘Generally I take some time out, go to the gym, get my hair done, get my nails done to look good for you.’ She showed me her nails. She didn’t get them done. She got them overdone. Like over-cooked and burnt stew.

'So we should get together and then if we get along again we should spend time in my house.'

'So basically you're going to audition me?'

'No, not at all...' she started.

'It's not going to work. I don' think our personalities will match. I'm leaving.'

'But...'

And with that, I got up and left her alone to return to her 1.5 million apartment.

But was it 1.5 million Euros, Yen or Turkish Lira? I'll go with the third option!

You gotta love the French

Only the French would print books like this... you gotta love them!

Check out Charles Bremner's blog on the times for more info.
http://timescorrespondents.typepad.com/charles_bremner/2008/07/france-studies.html

DJ Mean!

Earlier on, I mentioned a scary radio DJ on an English-speaking station who should have been a bouncer, or a prison-guard or a dictator. What’s more the DJ was a woman and scared me senseless over the air-waves!
I was driving to work, half-asleep and bored and was not paying attention until she began talking about Sienna Miller and the man she dumped. His name began with I. I believe. As she explained the situation her tone not only got more aggressive but she really began insulting him, all this at 6.30 in the morning. Her rant went a little like this.

‘So Sienna Miller dumped you. And you wrote a song about it! Get over it mate! Don’t put your song on an album! No one wants to know. She’s a good-looking bird. You’re an ugly bloke. You had your fun. Get over it. Don’t be a loser! You’re an ugly man, get yourself an ugly bird, one that you deserve and shut your whining… we are not interested… who cares… you minger.’

By the time she finished a full 45 minutes had passed and I was practically in tears! Imagine how the guy would have felt if he had heard this!

And then she began telling us about her band (that had like one and a half songs) and needed a name! It was a five-piece and she was the only woman (no surprise there). I can hardly see her wanting to join the Pussycat Dolls. Anyway so our DJ-friend was telling the world about her band and its member, of which the other guys all had names such as Biff, Eyeball, Skinny Jake and Graham! And she was asking the listeners to come up with a name for her band. She continued…

‘So we have a few names. Scuzz-Bucket, Burnt Skin and Reservoir Dogs. So please call through if you come up with anything!’
I like Reservoir Dogs. If they battled it out with the Pussycat Dolls, who do you think would win?
I want to call her… but I’m too scared. What if she dumped me as a listener?

Sountrack to the Summer?

With the summer now in full swing, it is evident that you need a good soundtrack. Especially if you live and work in Nicosia which is full of traffic 24/7, which means you need to have some music in your car! Now in my car, I have a tape player (retro) and a radio that only has frequencies between 7.00-8.90 I think, or something like that. Well you get the message. The reason for this is that, although my car is German, it has come via Japan. And so is a Japanese radio. When I first heard the term ‘Japanese Radio’ I thought of funky Japanese pop by bands with big hair o calm tranquil mountain music you would play on Mount Fiji or the Kill Bill soundtrack. Of course it is nothing like this!

But no… Instead I have a tape player which I use to hear Hebrew phrases from a cassette (even more retro) in order not to forget the language or I listen to whatever stations I can find between 7-something and 8-something. Oh joy!

In Nicosia half the stations are in Turkish. I have listen to so much of it now that I know the singers so well I could easily get a job as a TV presenter on MTV Turkey!
In Limassol I get BFBS with the scariest DJ (another blog post)
And on the highway, I get my favourite! Two or three Israeli radio stations! My favourite station is ‘Boker Tov Israel’, which mean ‘Good Morning Israel’. I listen to it intently not that I understand much except some words like ‘but’ ‘shalom’ and ‘Israel.’ But I pretend to myself (alone in the car) that I am getting the low down of the news in Israel.

Love is patient, love is kind

As this blog is so superficial, I decided to add a little reality to it. Here, below, is one of my favourite excerpt from the Bible. I think it's beautiful!

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.I
t is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8

Les Francais? Ils ne sont pas romantique? C'est pas vrai!

So I went on a date the other week. She deserved a 9 out of 10. I would have given her a perfect 10, but that number is reserved for the mother of my children. So a 9 is a very respectable number indeed. My date was French, from the (14eme arrondissement de Paris), a year or two (or three) older than me, she worked in financne, was sporty but not in a manish way and liked wine. It was my dream date. She was smart, confident … I was planning to propose to her half-way through our second drink.

Except I didn’t. Not because I got cold feet. Not because we didn’t get started on our second drink but because she didn’t want a relationship.
‘No. I’m not romantic’ she said to me, sipping her drink.
‘Qu’est-ce que c’est?’ I said half-joking, half-shocked. ‘You’re French and you are not romantic?
She giggled and shook her head. ‘Non. Je suis 0% romantique’ and drank some more red wine.
Throughout the night she told me about her four relationships, with… all successful to an extend but none as successful as her career. And then she decontrcucted them to me as if giving a presentation, before concluding with the reasons why she did not want a relationship. Ending with her telling me again ‘not romantic.’

If she was more perceptibe she would have seen that, I myself was romantic. Taking her to this restaurant, ordering the best food and wine, looking like a gentleman rather than a slob in a tie, and speaking French. You try going over your irregular French verbs in the pluperfect tense, before going on a date and tell me that that is not romantic! C’est pas vrai!

And the night continued…
‘I had a good time tonight’ she began. ‘Would you like to…’ she said as we were leaving the restaurant.
I wanted to… but I declined. I couldn’t believe that I decline such an amazing offer from such a gorgeous woman. But why bother? Why become more involved, even if for an evening, with someone who is not interested in a relationship and then yearn for them. Better, decline, keep your value (I am no piece of mean after all) and retain that elusive image of yourself. And the fact that you made yourself unavailable only increase their interest in you and your stocks soar! She works in finance, surely she would know that.

She was upset, but had that French devil-may-care attitude. She pouted, smiled, and kissed me on the check. If anything I would have wanted to keep her in my life, as a friend. Better as a confidant than anything passing. And women like that don’t come along often. But neither do I. And so we had to part way, wondering what could have been in b –her, and in life – me.
Moral of the story. Even if you have a conversation with a French woman, about French wine… in French, it doesn’t mean they’ll like you for anything more than the role they want you to play.

The search for the one… continues…

10 things they never tell you about living in Nicosia

1- There is no sea or beach… but a Mall next to a forest!

2- They say the traffic is so bad that the word Nicosia has become synonymous to the word traffic. When you say ‘I’m in Nicosia’ what you really mean is; ‘I’m in traffic.’

3- Shopping is the sport of Nicosia, the way sunbathing is the main sport in Limassol

4- The occupation is more of an abstract idea in Limassol, whereas in Nicosia, you are actually in the divided city and politics is everywhere.

5- The Turkish flag on Pentadaktylos, is a nuisance and an offence but I use to it orientate myself in the city, as I always get lost.

6- Nicosia has better coffee shops than anywhere in Cyprus

7- There are 8 areas to Nicosia the City: Nicosia, Strovolo, Anglanzia, Engomi, Agios Dometios, Lakatamia, Latsia and Geri. But did you know that the Presidential Palace is geographically in Strovolo but placed in the Nicosia Municipality. Strovolo is actually larger than Nicosia itself and resembles a jungle.

8- The clubs in Nicosia are in apartment blocks. Floor 2: Lawyer’s office. Floor 3: Versus!

9- In Limassol we have the zoo filled with animals. In Nicosia we have Zoo filled with party-animals!

10- It’s our nation’s capital, and wherever you are from, even Limassol like me… you should respect it! After all, where else can you find a city filled with corrupt politicians and civil servants?

The Anglo-Cyprian

I’ve been seeing this one random girl, and I don’t know why. She is Anglo-Cyprian, lives in Aradipou (also known as trash-ville) and gets on my nerves and yet I can’t seem to want to dump her. I don’t even like her and yet, I keep seeing her. I think it’s because I’m bored, I’m feeling mean and edgy and want to act like a maniac. Also the things she comes out with, the things she says and does, keeps me mesmerised.

For example, she told me she used to run a club in London but at the same time, she has no clue about any of the bars and clubs in Cyprus. If you worked in a certain industry wouldn’t you know about it? Well no... not her. She is now a property developer. Why does it seem that there are property developers everywhere? And why has it become the fall-back profession? It seems that any random can become a property developers. Even two of my exes and a f-ck-buddy of mine are now property developers. And now this chick is.

So now Ms. Anglo-Cyprian is an ex-bar owner, property developer, in Aradipou is annoying me and I think I like it! Firstly she tries to impress me with all the drugs she’s done. Although I don’t agree with drugs, if you do it keep it to yourself and don’t brag about it.

Then she tells me all about her villa… and all the things she has done by the pool. It’s not gardening that’s for sure! And then she tells me all about her villa, how many rooms, bathrooms and even taps she has in it as if she were selling it to me.

She will then tell me all about her night out, ‘we went out, went nuts, got home at 8am and it was hilarious, and it was great… yadda yadda yadda…’ but the moment I tell her about my night, she shuts up and gets jealous as if I told her about a plan I had for robbing a bank that she disapproved of but also wanted the money I stole.

And then, she constantly has friends over from the UK. ‘Yeah… Stacie and Haley are coming from London innit?’ Really? Are they? Do I care? And so she is using her friends in London to impress me. It doesn’t! And what does that say about her? That she can’t make friends in Cyprus… in Aradipou, which shouldn’t be too hard as Aradipou is Little London.
Anyway, she just text me asking if I want to go to Ammos with her. On a Sunday night. From Nicosia when tomorrow is a work day. If I said yes I wouldn’t be BabyBusinessMan now would I?

Gossip from Da Brat!

Every Sunday I enjoy going to Starbucks and drinking a cool coffee. I like it there because, early in the morning, no one knows me, no one sees me, I’m dressed like a peasant and I read book in peace and quiet. Except this Sunday, where I went late. And this time, a boy I know who we’ll call Da Brat was there with a friend. At first I pretended not to see them, not because I didn’t want to say hello (actually I didn’t) but because I was worried they’d ask me to join them, and I wanted to enjoy my book. However after a while, I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

- Da Brat: Who sings that song? The ‘I can’t get no satisfaction’ one?
- Friend: I don’t know. But I can’t get any satisfaction anyway.
- Da Brat: True. Last night I came home, opened the fridge and ate a whole _____ but I wish I was eating a _____ instead.
- Friend: Well why don’t you ask your girlfriend. I’m sure she won’t mind _____ in the kitchen.
- Da Brat: She doesn’t cook or _____ clean. Instead she _____ in the bathroom all day long with a _____ and the soap.
- Friend: Really? I thought she _____ with non-bio cleaning products.
- Da Brat: Haha! You’re funny. No she got it online. Look over there, it’s this guy I know called BabyBusinessMan. He is such a _____. Once I heard he _____ in the bathroom of a club and then had three tequila shots. But afterwards he _____ all over the bar and took his _____ off.
- Friend: Which one is he?
- Da Brat: The tall guy. With a book.

At this point I went over to him, to stop him talking about me and to say hello as I wanted to leave.
- Da Brat: Oh, hey, hello BabyBusinessMan. How are you?
- Me: Fine.
- Da Brat: What have you been up to?
- Me: Well I went out last night, to a club called _____ and I met Jessica there, you know the girl who goes to _____ with Maddox and Antonio. They live in the masion on a hill. Their father had an affair with that lady who had _____ in LA and her plastic surgeon said she looked like a _____.
- Da Brat: Yes. I remember she went out with Panico after his dog _____ all over Maddox’s _____ while she was _____ in rehab for _____.
- Me: That’s right. Well I _____ with this girl called Sophie who says she can _____ with her tongue on _____ and can spread her _____ over her _____. So it was a good night!

They say the Revolution will come from Mykonos

My friend TrustFundista was coming from Mykonos (because apparently life there is too stressful) to stay with me with for a long weekend. Trustfundista recently becoming a vegetarian (and a Buddhist too) and so she obviously became fussier with her food. (Once she turned alobster away at the Hotel Grande Bretagne in Athens because it wasn't'red enough!'). And so, emailed her to see if she had any dietaryrequirements, as I assumed she would. I never expected the belowresponse.

____________________________

Hi BabyBusinessMan, I hope you are well. I was going to send you some theatre tickets for ashow or something here in Athens, and then I remembered you don't haveyour own private jet... and so of course you wouldn't be able to come,and therefore did not send them off to you... Oh well... when you getyour jet.

As for dietary requirements...

1) I only eat organic and fair trade vegetables

2) I only drink Perrier

3) Also I require caviar at every meal as well as some ginger to cleansemy palette between bitesI think that is it for now...if i think of anything else i will let youknow...oh yes

4) Most importantly I only eat chocolate imported from the finest cocoabeans of rural Columbia...

5) As far as Gucci, my new dog, he is also a vegetarian and does not eatfish... However, he is really not picky and is quite agreeable to eatmost things...

Ok, see you soon. And please make sure that my room is scented with rose and candles for when I arrive. Hugs

Haute vs. Juicy

The joy of being in Cyprus is to see Limassol and Nicosia futilely battle it out to be the nation’s number one. Technically Nicosia wins by default as it is the capital city, and the capital city gain instant status. What the government didn’t bank on, when having Nicosia as the capital is the fact that living in the capital city can often feel like capital punishment. Its clogged streets, the pollution, the lack of parks/water features/sea/dustbins/venues of entertainment (other than cafes) leaves many capital city dwellers like me begging for an escape. Enter Limassol.

Limassol has the laissez-faire attitude for a city, where almost anything goes. In Limassol, being seen entering and leaving a strip joint (whether you’re working there or just visiting) carries the same merit as being seen in cafes in Nicosia. And that is where the main difference lies; in how the two cities decide to express their socio-economic situation. In Nicosia women wear haute couture, in Limassol they juicy couture.

Tracey and Emma: Gossiping in Pafos

· So I went to visit a friend in Pafos and I overheard a conversation between two English girls called Tracey and Emma. This is what they said. I can't believe it!

· Tracey: You’ll never guess what.
· Emma: What?
· Tracey: I saw Darren with Naomi in _____ and they were _____.
· Emma: Really? Was he_____?
· Tracey: Yeah! The whole time! And he even _____ all over her face!
· Emma: No! I don’t believe you. Coz Trish. You know Trish yeah? The girl with the funky _____. Well, she told me that Darren once _____ with Fiona on holiday in Crete. Well, he ______ with her Mum!
· Tracey: Don’t believe everything you hear! You know what Fiona is like. She like to _____ during the weekends and even _____ with Greg, Matthew and James!
· Emma: No. With James as well? I heard James was _____ and Katie found him in the _____ with Patrick and they both _____.
· Tracey: Really? I thought that was a rumour. Coz Fiona said that Naomi and Patrick were _____ while doing body shots in front of his dad and then _____ with his dad while _____ on holiday in Crete. Look got to go, tell you all about _____, next week ok?
· Emma: Sure. And don’t forget to _____ with Jason when you _____ and wear the short skirt coz it make you look _____ and _____. You know he will like that!

Nicosia Sunset

Shopping in Nicosia