For sale?

The building (above is on Ledra Street and) is for sale. Hmmm... Is that before of after it collapses?

French Parking?

French Parking? (As seen somewhere in Nicosia) What does that mean? What is a French Parking? Greek is my second language but I speak it like it's my 7th! Can someone explain?
Merci!

Stupid Stylist

Has everyone gone mad? As I can’t visit my stylist in LMS I am forced to visit my psycho-stylist in Nicosia. As you remember, last time, she tried to overcharge and I didn’t let it. I was hell-bent on changing her, but I haven’t had the time to find a new one. So I called her up to make an appointment. The woman screened my class. Mt stylist is rejecting me? Oh that is an all time low – even for me. I thought that perhaps something happened. Maybe a bleached-induced accident? Maybe she is so embarrassed at trying to cheat me. Maybe she went in for some maths class. Who knows? Who cares?
Well… I DO! It turns out that not only does she want my custom, but she had a nervous breakdown (did she bleach other areas by accident?). The woman went mad in a club two Saturdays ago apparently (did she accidentally down the bleach?). Or did she realize that she is not a natural blonde and lost it.
At the end of the day, I need to look good. And I am not happy!

One Year!

25th May 2009!

One Year of Hidden Empire!
And I still haven't run out of things to say!

For those of you who do tune in - thanks for all your support!

Commericial Cannes

Is it me of has Cannes become American? I thought the whole point of the Cannes Film Festival was to promote un-commercial and artistic films. What many call ‘European cinema’ which has always been a little nutty and odd. Yet – from I’ve been reading – Cannes seems more Hollywood than Hollywood! Tarantino, Brangelina and Pixar’s movie Up? This is the selection at Cannes? What is this? The the McFilm Festival? Even Sundance and Tribeca Film Festivals are more un-commercial than Cannes. Is Cannes is the victim of its own success?

Seeing this make me take my hat of the Cyprus Film Days – the film festival in Nicosia earlier this year. If you want a film festival with a meaning you should have been there. But I guess you can always follow the circus act at Cannes!

Lipstick / White Wine / Red Wine / What?

I went to an exhibition the other night and as I hadn’t found my friend I went to the bar for a glass of wine, as it’s not nice to wander around empty-handed. A drink in hand always makes it easier to mingle (hold it with your left hand. Your right hand you use for shaking hands of people you meet and no one wants to shake a cold or clammy hand).

I went up to the bar to order and noticed that there was only one white wine. With lipstick marks on it.

‘Can I have a glass of white wine please?’ (red wine stains your teeth but is good for your heart).

‘Take this’ said the guys serving me, who was from the ex-eastern bloc.

‘Look’ I said holding up the glass and pointing the lipstick marks. He examined it for what seemed like a year.

‘Okay then’ he said. He took the glass of wine, got a new glass and poured the same wine into another glass. He was giving me someone else’s wine in a new glass. And this is at an exclusive exhibition in our nations’ capital. I started laughing.

‘Is all I have’ he said handing me the glass.

In the end I settled red wine. Stains your teeth but good for your heart. The only other alternative was wine drank by a woman with red lipstick. But there was so much red lipstick I came to assume it was a d. queen, who usually slather large amounts of make up on them. Hmmmm… must be an interesting exhibition I though, as I walked in. Red wine in hand.

Zina // Gaga?

Is it me or is Peggy Zina trying to turn herself into Lady Gaga? Did you see her new video clip? If so, there seems to be lots of similarities. Peggy - don't change. We like you as you are!
I couldn't find any stills from her video but here are some pics to give you an idea

Are all Stylists Dumb?

My stylist is one of the most intelligent people you’ll meet. After a successful career in finance she decided to pack it all up and move to Cyprus where she opened up a salon in Limassol. As I’m from Limassol and was a client of hers from before, I go there when I can because I would rather give my custom to someone who not only is a professional, but someone who has become a friend. The past couple of months she was away so I had to find a new ‘stylist’ in Nicosia.

If she can be called ‘stylist’ at all. Her salon that she runs with her friend is in the walled city of Nicosia. When I first met her, she was late because she was in the hairdresser’s next door. She was dyeing her hair peroxide yellow and simultaneous her style was dying alongside it. I After the styling session she charged me €35. Fair enough I thought; although I was happier with my LMS stylist. I visited her the other day for a re-styling, where for the same service (good at her trade but not at business) she charged me €45 instead of €35.

Whenever it’s pay-time I always ask ‘how much do I owe you?’ not because I don’t know the price (I always know the price) but out of courtesy. It’s like saying ‘how are you’ when you don’t really want to know. Well with ‘how much do I owe you’ I know the price – I just expect you to confirm it. 99% of people are honest and tell you how much you owe. 1% of the people don’t. Peroxide-Girl was this 1%.

‘Let me just get out my calculator’ she said much to my surprise instead of saying ‘€35 please!’ So she started fiddling away on it before announcing in a proud manner ‘€45.’

WTF? I look good but I don’t look like an idiot! ‘Why so much?’ I asked.

‘Well legs cost €17’ (last time they were €14), ‘chest I’m going to charge you €5’ (you can count the hairs on my chest) ‘and arms… 6 each (last time they were €5). If you can count this comes to €34 not €45. Even with a calculator she couldn’t work it out. Did the peroxide bleach enter her brain?

‘I mean… for arms its erm… 6 POUNDS.’

‘But last time they were 5 EUROS each’ and last time I check we were in the Eurozone!

‘They were? Oh. And I confuse euros and pounds. Oh dear.’

WHO CONFUSES EUROS AND POUNDS AFTER HAVING THE EURO FOR OVER A YEAR? Even my grandmother can work it out. Without a calculator. And without getting it wrong.

‘So it’s €35 then’ I said trying not to show my rage.

‘Yes, yes, oh I’m so sorry’ she said as I was putting away the €20 back in my wallet and replacing it with €10. Much to her dismay. Much to my vengeful joy! ‘Well I’m glad you mentioned something’ she continued ‘I mean I wouldn’t want you leaving and being upset now would I, hmmmmmm?’

Yeah right.

‘Okay, I’ll make an appointment soon’ I said to her – but actually feeling the opposite.

‘Yes. And book an appointment with my for a facial. You seem to need it desperately. Only €50!’

Moral of the story: she tried to find more money but lost a customer. A good one. Greed is not good

Whats hot for May?

What’s hot this month:
Tans – if you got a tan, it means you’re way ahead of everyone on the island and are already slumming it on the beach. So don’t feel ashemed to show off you’re hard-earned tan (please be responsible and wear a high factor. Remember to top-up every three hours and drink plenty of water. NO EXCUSES)
White clothes – you can put your black outfits away – black is great for winter but not so hot during the summer. The only think hot in black will be you. After May 1st, you have my permission to dress from head to toe in white!
Eurovision – it’s that time of the year again when we hear those cheesy songs about love (or should I say luuuurve) in dance-folk music styles mostly from the ex-eastern bloc (12 points? You wish)

What’s not hot this month: The weather*
Rain – it’s May and it’s raining? Not fair. Not right.
Umbrella – the real one, not Rihanna’s one (see above)
Coats – some people are still wearing them (see above). They are worn over the clothes, under the umbrella, under the rain!

*I’m pretty sure this rain was just passing (he says as he looks around nervously hoping it won’t rain until December!)

Oh yeah - and if you're wondering why I added the woman on the top of this post - well don't you think she's hot? If not - Discuss!