I won't date you if you're from Strovolo

So I got into a heated debate with someone about my theory that says ‘where you live defines the type of person you are’. I don’t mean that if you live in a shack you’re poor or if you live in a palace you’re rich. I’ve known many poor people who now live in palaces – they are called gold-diggers, mostly from the ex-Eastern bloc states. What I mean is the area you live in means you are a certain type of person.

When I moved back from London, I left the weather behind and brought with me part of the British mentality. Part of that mentality means judging (wrongly or rightly) by their area or in Britain’s case, by their post code. For example people in Slough (possibly the armpit of England and home of the TV Show ‘the Office’) want to have the post code changed from SL to something else as the SL (Slough postcode) brings their land value down. Anything with a London, City of Westminster pos code means that you can light your cigs with 20 pound bills.

In Cyprus it’s not the same… yet. But with me here it seems to be becoming so. Since moving to Nicosia I have become obsessed with where people live. I was talking with someone I wasn’t really interested in, but the moment I found out that she lives in Engomi, I wanted to marry her. Not because I love her, but because I love Engomi! It’s for the same reason why I won’t date anyone long-term from Strovolo (too weird – even if you live in the posh area), I won’t go on a date with anyone from Lakatamia (too far), nor will I even bother with anyone from Tseri, Geri, Latsia (might as well be Troodos). Anyone beyond these areas shouldn’t even bother talking to me, unless of course you’re from/in Limassol (but again this depends on the area). Pallouriotissa is ghetto and I hear Ayios Dometios might as well be the Bronx so those are out of the questions.

But there are some areas that I do date. Makedonitissa is too far from the heart of the city, but I like it, so if you’re from there you’re in luck, I might just take you out for a drink but I won’t come and get you and I certainly won’t drive you back! Initially, I was ambivalent about Aglantzia until I discovered Plati, which is a young person’s neighbourhood and people from Kaimakli are arty (love that) so I’ll date you lot too. I also like anyone from Ayios Andreas (diplomats), the city centre (urban and cool), Ayia Paraskevi and Acropolis (young, upper middle class and wealthy who walk their dogs*) and of course Lykavitos (my ‘hood gets priority!).

So you see; I am a slave to the system I created. For example, I live in the city, which means I have no patience for traffic, like the noise, can walk to the clubs and am in close range of Wagamama for when I have emergency cravings for sushi! So I guess you would categorise me as one of those annoying and pushy urbanites. And yet I hate categorizing people, but I just can’t help it. For example, If you live by the Mall of the Nation, I’ll assume you are a shop-aholic, if you live in the Presidential Palace I’ll assume you’re the President and if you live in Dasoupoli I’m guessing that you live in the woods and are to the witch’s house from Hansel and Gretel that is made of cake’s and sweets! I have become obsessed with where you live and assume that where you do live defines you. And the scary thing about this theory… is that it’s true.

*PS: to people who walk their dogs in Acropolis. I think it’s great that you love dogs but I love clean sidewalks – so people clean up after you mutt!