Sarah Palin: Wild and Remote

The more I read about Sarah Palin, McCain’s choice for Vice-President the more I like her and yet dislike her. What I can’t stand is that she is a gun-totting creationist who is so anti-liberal she makes Uzbekistan look like Amsterdam. Her beliefs not only horrify me but horrify any Y2K liberal and open-minded European. Yet, despite her beliefs which I find outlandish at best I like the way she not only has clung onto them, but she has made everyone else (who is Republican of course) like and support them as well. The fact that she is not, and I quote her part of the ‘Washington elite’ actually makes her more appealing. An outsider in the most powerful club in the world? Albeit she was hand-picked by McCain himself, but after the Republican convention she really fired up the Republic party which until now was looking dower, bland and boring. It’s true that the Republicans are just a collection of old men one as similar and bland (and older) as the next. Like Russian dolls they are the same mass-produced men with slight variations. And then this stunning librarian goddess comes on the scene and shakes things up. Even I can’t help but be mesmerised by this conservative ‘hockey mom’ and I’m a confirmed liberal.

And that’s my point, although I do not agree with anything Palin says and think she is a hypocrite for having an unmarried pregnant 17 year old daughter and shoving her into the spotlight while simultaneous banning S- - education at school I like the way she stands by her beliefs and is defined by them. Not many people are like that. Not even Obama who touts change and yet hasn’t been half as vocal as Palin. She does not believe in abortion and so actually had her down syndrome child. Whatever party you belong to, that is admirable. It’s not easy raising a child let alone a differently-abled one. Her zest for life, the fact that she is a runner-up to the Miss Alaska title, her ruthlessness even at playing basketball and ‘sorting out’ unethical practices within her own party such as selling her predecessor’s private jet on eBay, makes her a force to be reckoned with. She is the life and soul of the Republican Party that they so dearly and desperately need. Without her it’s just a bunch a wrinkly white men. She has truly resuscitated the McCain campaign. If McCain wins, it’ll be because of her. And if they don’t win the election, then she’ll just be another joke to the Republicans, because no matter how good you are, big boys clubs like the Republican party only look after big boys regardless of how strong the girl is.

I’m still supporting the Democrats (without Hillary unfortunately) but I have a feeling that some of the swing-voters of the Democrats who backed Hillary won’t resist being seduced by Palin and her politics. But I’ll tell you what, I’m curios to see what she’ll be like if they win. Although that will spell disaster again for everyone (another four years of Republicans? Oy!) I can imagine that she’ll shake up Washington and the world in ways Bush only could with his incompetence

Water?

So it’s week two in the new house. Actually, it seems more like the Big Brother house as I have no curtains and I have about 17 windows and all the neighbours can see everything. But that’s not my problem today. I have no problem being watched. Watching me beats T.V. Anyway, no my problem is that last night I ran out of water. Now, you have to understand that if it’s one thing I cherish, more than food, more than clothes, more than winning the lottery is having warm showers and running water. I have two showers a day and I am a fair person who like to compromise where necessary. I do not compromise on showers. That is non-negotiable. So imagine my delight after coming back from the gym to find the water decreasing while I am in the bathtub. I realize there is a drought in Cyprus but it seems to affect mostly me, following me around from apartment to apartment. Why is that? I ask through clenched teeth and soapy hair? Luckily somehow I finished my shower and have not needed to use the toilet… yet. And that is something even I can’t control, and believe me… I am a control freak! If I can organize my bowl movements I would do so.

I called my realtor up and he said to go on the roof and check the water pressure pump or something that sounded like spare parts for a UFO. I didn’t want to tell him that I’m afraid to go on the roof as I might throw myself off it as I becoming more desperate by the minute.

You see dear readers, this has been a very stressful week for me, I am in a bad mood, I have no furniture, I have no internet and therefore no email or blog, I have not had time to go shopping… for food (I am not talking about clothes here people), I am swamped at work, I need a haircut and I want my wax. So the thing I look forward to the most is a shower (warm please) at the end of the day. And that is taken away from me? WTF? Sometimes I feel I should have moved to Israel a long time ago. I bet even in the desert there they won’t have this problem.

So here I am. At work. I have to wait until I finish to go home and check the water-pump pressure thing to see if the water is pressurized or something like that. You want to see pressurized? Come and look at me. If things do not get sorted this afternoon I’m moving to a hippy camp on the Dead Sea. You’ll be receiving this blog from Israel.
Then again I should put things into perspective. Health is the most important thing, and it’s important that we remember that.

Cherchez le Sugar Daddy

So while on the Balkan Bonanza, Laverne (who I had renamed Jablonski) and I were sitting in Athens Airport. Of course for the umpteenth time I had to visit the bathroom because I am a neurotic. I get back and see Laverne (aka Jablonski) sitting there with a furious look on her face. No if you met Laverne you will instantly recognise that she is the sweetest, kindest person to walk the Earth and wants to save the world. I on the other hand am the opposite who would rather take over the world and then sell in on eBay bit by bit. Why we are friend is quite beyond me.

But today it was different. Laverne was in a foul mood. ‘Don’t look now, but the guy over there was blowing kisses to me and making rude gestures.’ I glanced over and saw an aging 50 year old, waeing white from head to toe with an open V-neck shirt, exposing his greying hairy chest. I could tell me was Greek from the gold cross he was wearing. ‘So you know what I did’ continued Laverne, ‘I did NA!’ she said slapping one had over the other. I glared at him and he looked away, ashamed of his actions. What a grubby old man. But it gets better, moments later his wife arrived, followed by his son who was our age and is a Brat and his daughter who looked like a goth-gone-cheerleading.

And what’s more, they weren’t just Greek. They were American-Greek. Laverne who comes from LA and is well versed in American pop-culture could easy tell me about the lives of these people. And so she began to dissect their characters bit by bit: they’re from New York. But not from the city. Maybe upstate. Maybe Long Island. You can tell their marriage is held together by material objects. I mean just look at the wife’s tan and bleached blonde hair. The son (who was lying on the sofa taking up three seats or so) acts like a brat. The father surely has affairs and…

She stopped because the wife who was chain-smoking got up to get the son another magazine of Maxim because he lost it and was moaning. He’s 24! What?

Jealousy and the Evil Eye

So I’ve decided to keep things from my friends, not because I have anything to hide, but because of their evil eye. We were in a club a few weeks back when I met BarWoman. As I mentioned in a previous post, we got together, we hung out and had fun spending time together. At the time none of my friends knew this. Until a week later when we met up for lunch, I told PartyAnimal and our mutual friend HairStylist asked what had become of us. I hesitated in telling them for some reason but then said that ‘yes, we’re causally dating’ to which they ‘aaaah’ed’ and ‘oooooh’ed’ and then continued eating their salads.
What’s wrong with this scenario? I’ll tell you.

That day, as in everyday I sat down with them for hours that day talking about their relationships. HairStylist’s relationship revolved around hair gel and shampoo (Vidal Sassoon?). And somehow we discussed it. And why not, he’s a good friend of mine and I’ll offer this support. But when you are about to break up over the lack of use of conditioner… that’s when I need to start drinking, PartyAnimal on the other hand, did not stop talking about girls, and that she’s cute, and look at her, and what he would do with that and how hot she was and how cool and… blah blah blah. And when it was my turn al they did was raise their eyebrows. For once I had a better functioning ‘relationship’ (and I use this term in the loosest of ways) whereas all they had was a hair gel obsession and punani-fantasies. And what did I get from them, no response, no tears of joy or questions about marriage. I got nothing. Nada. No response. Not a slither of interest. Instead they asked me to pass them the salt!

Why? Because of jealousy. Which is why they gave me the evil eye. I’m sure they did, because the night before BarWoman and I had gone out and literally after the conversation with my friends, she was hard to get hold of. When I eventually did track her down she gave me some lame excuse about being busy and going on holiday (which she did in the end) but I know that my friends jinxed the relationship. I don’t like the brag or make out that I am something I am not but I know that my friends get jealous of me and want me to trip up. It’s not because they don’t like me, it’s because they don’t like me to progress. As the say in Greek they have the evil eye.

It turns out BarWoman wanted to meet up after she got back from holiday. But by then, almost a month had past since we last got together and for me the ship had sailed and the courtship had ended. Although I like her I felt that she didn’t put any energy into developing what could have been a relationship and fell out of lust with her. With me, once it’s over it’s over and there’s no going back. I like her and truly wish her the best of luck. Unlike my friends.

Jewish Men Exposed

Below I mentioned that Jewish girls now have their own cool calendar. Well in France's Stiletto magazine plans to do a huge expose on Israeli men and actually contacted the Israeli embassy in Paris to get the full low down on Israeli men and their wily ways. The special Israeli edition will focus on current affairs, the social aspects of Israel and fashion. It is claimed that Haim Revivo חיים רביבו‎ will participate in the edition (pictured below) as he is one of the best known Israelis, having played for Hapoel Tel Aviv and even Galatasaray among other teams.

Website @ http://www.stiletto.fr/

Jewish Calendar Girls

Heeb Magazine has made the first ever all-Jewish girl calendar. About time too. We've had the wifes of the Russian football sqaud make a calendar, we've seen Frencg rugby players make their nude calendars for the girls and the gays we've even seen older English women make a movie about women posing naked for a calendar. So it's high time that Jews got to bare all for the world and see how hot we are!

Website @ http://www.heebmagazine.com/

The One I Never Met

So my ex-housemates’ friend Dan bumped into me in a coffee shop in Nicosia, literally bump into me with his coffee spilling it all over my jeans and offered to buy new a new one (a new coffee not a new pair of blue jeans). Dan is the friend of my ex-housemate from uni who never ever bathed and stank like hell, I should have known that Dan would be just as slimy. Anyway Dan told me about his new housemate in Nicosia. ‘A girl who you would love’ he kept saying. At first I smiled and sipped on my latte thinking it was his usual rubbish he went on about. ‘You’d really like her’ he repeated. ‘So why don’t you introduce us then?’ I asked. ‘Oh no, I can’t, she travels a lot, she’s very cool and likes hard work, she works for the UN (like two of my exes) and I just can’t’ he went on. ‘But why?’ I insisted… and he still wouldn’t give me an actual answer. He just kept on being vague about not introducing us, but kept going on about how perfect we’d be. (And he was probably right. It’s usually people who work in tough jobs like the UN or as secret agents who can date me, only because they can keep up with my demands and unpredictable bouts of rage and madness fits). But, no he refused to make an introduction.

What was that all about? It’s like dangling sweets in front of a child and then saying ‘no you can’t have them… bad for you’re teeth you see.’ Why bother even saying anything? Why promote your housemate ‘who is great’ for me and who I’d get on with and then actually refuse to make an introduction. What kind of power trip is that? Obviously he must be scraping the bottom of the barrel and must have no one to mentally torture. And Dan knew full well that I’d be interested in dating... anyone. I’d date anything. I’d probably even date your divorced aunt with dyed red hair who lives in Australia. Or your local pharmacist. The receptionist from the hotel you stayed in this summer. Maybe even your plant. Or the person who sold the plant to you. Not because I’m desperate but because I’d never say no to an adventure. And who knows, the next one could be the one. Although in this case we went from potentially meeting ‘the one’ to meeting no one. Thanks Dan. Not only did you ruin my jeans but you ruined my mood.