Ordering Coffee... oooof!

Me: Hi, I’d like a coffee

Barista: What type?

Me: What type do you have?

Barista: Frappe, latte, frappe-latte, frappecino mix, frappecino-cappucino-mix, macchiato, frappecino, cino, soda-cino, whiskey-cino, water-cino, water-cino with extra water

Me: What’s the difference between a frappe and a frappecino-mix

Barista: The frappecino-mix is mixed, the frappe isn’t. Duh!

Me: Erm… I’ll have a frappecino-mix please

Barista: Hot, cold, lukewarm, mild, wild, freakishly-cold or so hot it can burn your lips off?

Me: Tough one, but as it’s summer I’ll go for a cold frappe

Barista: Cold-cold, extra-cold, regular-cold, freezing-cold, snow-cold or warm-cold?

Me: Erm… normal cold please

Barista: Size?

Me: Erm… what do you have?

Barista: Grande, super, large, medium, small, medium-small, shot or 3.5 litres

Me: Erm... Grande please

Barista: Grande-grande, super-grande, medium-grande, extra-grande, regular-grande, small-grande?

Me: Okay... what’s the difference between grand-grande and medium-grande, isn’t that just a large?

Barista (looking at me as if I told her that her mother had a tail): There is a big different between grande-grande, medium-grande and large. Medium-grande is slightly less grande than grande-grande and a little more grande but not much than large.

Me: Phew. Well… okay, I’ll take a grande-grande I guess

Barista: With what?

Me: What does it come with?

Barista: Ice, extra-ice, extra-low-fat-ice, cream, whipped cream, low-fat cream, regular-cream, cherries

Me: Is there a difference between ice and extra-ice?

Barista (looking at me as if I just said her father is a cross-dresser): There is a big difference between ice and extra-ice in your grande-grande frappecino-mix than if you had less ice.

Me: Okay I’ll have extra-ice then please.

Barista: Anything to eat?

Me: What do you have?