End of 2008/beginning of 2009

The previous year(s) has(have) been a hasten rollercoaster rides of adventures and thrills. And where has it brought me? To the present moment, flaws and all and tales to tell. It hasn’t necessarily altered me, the core of me, but it has made me wiser and has taught me lessons about life that only I could learn by myself through lessons given by experience and our own personal journey through time.

The past years have been glitter, they sparkled, there were colours; red, yellow and green with shades of blue. There were disco balls galore and giant dance floors; houses with adventures in beds, bath and beyond; breakfast at noon, lectures in clubbers’ philosophy and essays on travel. I have made phenomenal friends, some for fun and some for life; some who will be a constant in my life wherever they are on the globe, and some have turned from lovers into enemies; who will be released from my memories rather than erased from my mind with all photos of us burnt.

But life had an angry edge; there was a jagged side to me that needed to be smoothed down; there was a tiger within had needed to be tamed. And somehow these past few months, with work and solitude, like the change in the weather that you never really expected there grew a more pleasant, calmer and settled side within me. The important of feeling good and making other feel good too was realised. The mantras of; being the best you can be; make everyone you see feel good; smile; wish everyone the best; be thankful; they all made sense somehow – something within me put these into motion. And yes, some people are still mean and moody and glum. Let them be. You be open and honest and fair and kind and others will feel this and respond to it and you will get this back.

And this brings me to the present moment. To the end of 2008 and beginning of 2009. The past year has been hectic, on personal and global scales; and it has brought everyone down back to basic – we realise now what is important in life; the friends, the family; the goodness within. It’s not easy to admit or want these but it is necessary within us to acknowledge them and to gain them. Organic food, water with bits of gold in it, frou-frou clothes and la-la land dreams… these are okay but ultimately pointless. What endures is the creativity, the spirit and the imagination within. Colours are bright yellow and red are being replaced by more earthy colours or brown, golden-sand and green. Aero-kick workouts are being replaced by yoga. Inner sanctums of the brain replace the chill-out rooms of clubs where you can by oxygen (I can’t believe people do that. Buy what’s already provided). Cooking home food will replace 4-piece sushi that cost €30 (not including delivery) and modern art will be made at home, where let’s face it will be better and cheaper than the ‘art’ you buy in some galleries. This is not to say that we will all become hippies and stop wearing deodorant (perish the thought) nor will it mean that the world will be better instantly but there will be gradual changes.

There will now be a return to the basics, the feel-good factor will live on but in a different form but it will still be fun. It’s just a clearer, sober kind of fun, with rays of the sun rather than neon-lights.

(Tough year for the Nicosia Housewife then).

Happy 2009 – I wish you all the best

Run for the Hills

I speak fluent Spanish. I can read Hebrew and tell you about Judaism. I do yoga. I am a fast runner and a good swimmer. I can talk about politics and French wine. I work out four times a week and can discuss the pros and cons of the Geneva Convention. Some say I’m smart. Not if you judge me by what I watch because I watch rubbish!!!!

I am addicted to trash TV the way a fat kid is addicted to cake. My brother gave me copies of The Hills, the story of Lauren Conrad, who lives in LA and has a life some of us are unable to dream of. So I put the copies on and there was sound but no image. My computer showed me nothing (although I did hear at one point that Lauren was going to go shopping). I was distraught. I actually opened a bottle of white wine and had a glass wondering what Lauren was going to buy (duh! Clothes! And while she would shop 50 guys would probably propose to her).

I love European cinema, you know the kind where three people fall in love with each other and one moves to Moscow to discover himself while the other two open up a cake shop painted purple and go to raves. That type. But I also love trash TV. I cannot get enough of it. I was addicted to Big Brother, the English, Greek and Hungarian version, X-Factor, Survivor, Laguna Beach, The Simple Life, Dismissed… practically anything on MTV. I love the Real Life. At one point I actually joined a gym so I could watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians because I didn’t have Nova and that was the only place I could see it. But at least I could watch KUWTK with Greek sub while I was on the treadmill. Now I can run 5km without a break in under 10 minutes.

Of course these are just the reality. There is more: Gossip Girl, the OC, Dirty Sexy Money… the list is endless.

But what is our fascination with this phenomenon? We all want to have this amazing lifestyle where we sip cocktails at noon and go swimming. Actually we do; while living in Cyprus that can easily be done; but it doesn’t compare to LA. I know that I am trying to turn Nicosia into this crazy hip New York City of Cyprus. But who am I kidding? I try to live the Sex and the City lifestyle but it’s more Ex and the City if you read my recent posts. Wherever I have gone in Nicosia I have left a trail of destruction somehow (banned from Maple Leaf, told off at Zoo, fighting in Babylon…). Actually writing this made me realise that maybe I should have my own TV show ‘BabyBusinessMan and the City’ or maybe we could call it ‘The CY’. I could have a camera crew following me around in Nicosia, on dates, ordering at Mondo Café, going to Marks and Spencer home to buy stuff for my apartment, going to work, shopping at the periptero.... And then we can have a spin-off: BabyBusinessMan: the Beach (in Limassol).

Crazy Exes of 2008 are back. What?

Wow... have some people really gotten into the Christmas spirit.

Ex no3 of 2008
So I told you my ex has gotten in contact with me and wants to get back together. I said yes provisionally but I really don't think I'm interested. She probably only wants to get back because it's Christmas and wants an extra present. Well... it's not going to be me. I don't even know why I said yes, I guess I had nothing to do.

Ex no2 of 2008 (that I kind of fell in love with...)*
And my ex-ex, the love of 2008 has unblocked me on facebook. Should I care? I guess these gestures are too little, too late at the end of the year.

So it looks like everyone is in the Christmas spirit. I would be too... but I'm a Jew.

My lovelife used to be so interesting... now I'm talking about exes on facebook... hmmm... maybe some fun for the New Year? I think so...

*If you're wondering what happened to ex no1 of 2008 that's another story.

Snooping around

So I have to admit it. I was snooping. I can't help it... it's just too juicy this time of year. Yes... it's because of facebook. Everyone is having parties and posting all the evidence of fun on the website that I cannot resist checking out the photos they've uploaded.

Who is seen holding what drink. Who is hugging whom. What club are they at? Did they buy that tie in M&S and is that an S&M bar? Why the hell didn't he shave and he's friends with her?

I love it. It's like Big Brother stills into their life and what they have been up to this Christmas. On the other hand it makes me feel that I have not been out in what feels like a century (work work work) so I need to make a special effort to look good and go out.

So I am going to do two things tonight. Go for coffee and check out your pics on facebook. Until then, have a great week guys!

G xoxo

PS - Cake I loved your party last night!

Cypriot KKK (Merry Xmas)

I work long hours and don't get back home until late but yesterday was an exception. It was Christmas Eve and I was at my parents' home in the afternoon. The TV was on and in the background I could hear Elita; a show I don't watch as I am not home.

The subject was Margarita; a Cypriot girl (I stress; a citizen of this nation) of African descent who was violently beaten and hospitalised for five days by racist Cypriot youths. (I would gladly describe how I feel about them but it's Christmas and...)

Not only am I ashamed about my nation now but I can't believe these people are not punished. In fact I can't believe one of the girls who attacked Margarita actually called up and said that 'Margarita was also calling us names.' What a fucking bitch. Not only does she show NO REMORSE by not apologising but she actually called up and tried to justify her position. What kind of family does she come from? She and the scum that she is part of (family and friends) not only makes me embarrassed to be Cypriot but embarrassed to be human.

I know this kind of thing happens all over the world; but we are a beautiful nation and these types of people ruin it for the rest of us. I am so ashamed. And I apologise to Margarita; I hope she has the strength to continue and the depth of character to overcome these traumas. But what's more, she is a citizen of the Republic of Cyprus and was discriminated against because of her colour... and I thought I had it 'bad' for wanting to become a Jew...

Like dogs, it looks like these racists are for life and not just for Christmas.
I hope you have a good Christmas...

Landmines in Bosnia

Dearest Friends,
it's Christmas Eve, so I thought I'd tell you about landmines in Bosnia...

I decided to write about landmines in Bosnia after I read an article about it. You see, I went to Bosnia this summer and was pleasantly surprised by the charm it possessed and how picturesque Sarajevo was. We won’t get into the details of the war here but while on a tour of Sarajevo the tour guide pointed out two mountains and said that we were not allowed to go there because they are still filled with landmines. Like anyone else, Laverne and I thought that the authorities were working on clearing those mountains up.

They are not. Bosnia has run out of money to clear the countryside from landmines and other explosives left for the war. Bosnia in fact still has 220,000 landmines literally lying around. It is the only European country that is riddled with so many landmines.

You may ask why I feel so strongly about this. Firstly, Cyprus is also filled with landmines along the buffer zone and still posses a danger to us. Secondly, landmines are not built to kill, they are built to maim. So they actually do more harm and cause more pain than a bullet. Thirdly, kids, hikers, farmers are now exposed to landmines in the countryside of Bosnia. According to the International Herald Tribune, ‘since the war ended, mines have inured 1,665 people, including 487 fatalities.’ The statitstics get worse and I’m not going to post them here but you get the gist. The above facts are terrible, people still dying from landmines? And now Bosnia has run out of money to rid the country of landmines? Let’s not mention that ethnic tensions have flared up again to make matters worse.

Where are international donations to clean the country of the landmines? So the war has ended and now everything is okay? It doesn’t seem to be. By having landmines strewn around Bosnia the war continues. Something has to be done – but the Balkan nations are too busy suing one another to do anything about it ans talk about what atrocities committed rather than helping the country (or each other develop).

I thought I’d add the link to the Halo Trust – a charity that specialises in the removal of debris of war.

http://www.halotrust.org/

As of 1997, there were 16,000 landmines in Cyprus. Right now I don’t know where the number stands.

Happy Hannukah

Okay so I know you guys are not Jews, but...
Happy Hannukah!

Today is the first of the eight days of Hannukah
Did you Nicosians spot the giant Menorah outside Likavitos police station?
I think it's great that we have a Menorah there (with the first candle already lit). But what does it say about us when it has to be outside a police station?
Nevertheless, I'm pleased it's there...

The Mall and the Drool

I met my friend Milky on Saturday at the Mall of our Nation. OMG! The amount of people... the shopping... the queues! It was like being in the underbelly of consumerism. How much do people shop? And half the people there weren't even shopping... they just went for a 'volta'. Who would want to walk around the Mall of the Nation when it is literally heaving with people? Christmas cheer? What Christmas cheer? People were pushing, swearing, sweating and shoving. Being in the Mall at Christmas would make the most devout Christian want to change religion! No wonder the Pope doesn't do his own shopping.

But you know what was worse? Orphanides Nicosia. It was like going from the Mall of Cyprus to the Drool of Cyprus. It was dreary, dangerous, almost sad to be there. Why don't they fix it a little and make it a more pleasant place to shop?

Oh well...

Fear of Phones

Why are people (especially teenagers and Cypriots women and men under the age of 50) obsessed with their mobile phones? I love my phone and I need it all the time. However I don’t ring people up all the time and my phone isn’t constantly ringing but when it does… oh lo behold… who could the caller be. My Mum (asking me to do something I should have done a long time ago) or Cake (asking me to try her cake) or PartyAnimal (asking me to party). Or a random I once dated asking for a second night out… (after 4 months? I’m nice not stupid).

What did we do before the times of mobile phones? How did we function? I truly can’t remember. I remember getting a phone in my room when I was 12 in the shape of a frog whose red eyes lit up every time it rang. That’s when I began pranking people, when I couldn’t sleep (but that’s another story). And so getting a mobile, like getting a phone in my room (it wasn’t even my own line) made me feel connected. A little too connected.

And that’s what’s scary. On Saturday night I got two phone calls after 11. I was in bed so I didn’t pick up. But I was embarrassed to be in bed and so pretended to be out at Zoo. When they asked me the next day where I was I said Zoo. ‘Me too’ they responded. Oh ho! Gotcha! ‘Great’ I said and smiled and turned away. ‘What floor?’ my friend insisted. ‘The fifth’ I said. ‘Don’t you mean the fourth?’ he pressed on. Then I used my default answer; ‘I can’t remember… I was drunk!’

So not only can the track you down while you’re at Zoo, but while you’re not at Zoo. And even after Zoo asking why you didn’t go! It’s a scary turn of events these mobiles are. They are mobile and they follow you around like the KGB! Which is why I hardly gave out my home phone. I text only my closest friends. My Dad, the one person who should have all my info, even called me up asking me who I was. He didn’t have my home phone or mobile phone! On the other hand, my Mum can only reach me by email. Plus, when I was telling people about my home line, I didn’t call… I text! How polite!

Remember a few months back when I lost all my numbers on my phone? I loved it. Now I have a fraction of the numbers back and if people text I ask ‘who are you?’ If I don’t like them I’ll pretend I don’t know them. I don’t want to be accessible to every random who I gave my number out to (and believe me, when I go out, I had out my number like Santa hands out gifts). The Americans were right to call it a cell (short for cellular phone). Cell seems the appropriate word as I often feel trapped with my phone. Having a phone is like being tied to a ball and chain in a Kazak prison.

I like text messages. I like getting them because I can view them in my own time. But I get tired of fiddling away at the buttons. I love email more. I told you how email is the love of my life and my longest relationship. Emails… and Margaritas of course. Emails are great – you can email me and I respond right away, unless I have work. But texts, unless you are my friend Barb who emails me random comments that say things like ‘scuzz’ and ‘c u next Tuesday’ then I worry what I will expect. And the thing is… I don’t know why mobiles are such a stressful thing. At the end of the day when people have something serious to say like ‘I don’t love you anymore’ or ‘I’m painting the house black’ they don’t call, email or phone! They just never call you again. You go home to find out that your partner has a) left you or b) turned your stylish apartment into a goth-shack! And then you find the phone bill.

Moral of the story: all this stress about the mobile is unnecessary. Mobile phones though aren’t.

My ex is back via email! What?

So my ex has emailed me after unceremoniously dumping me months ago. It's not that I mind being dumped - I mean - I dumped many a dates - but she did it while I drinking Margaritas with my friends on a Thursday night. And no one ruins my Margarita nights.

So I see this email that she sent like... in November... which I didn't check out because I had no computer. So I see this email that went something like:
BabyBusinessMan, hiiiiiii.... I miss youuuuuuuu... Love youuuuuuuuuu... :) kiss kiss xoxoxoxoxo

And I'm like - what? You said you missed your ex which is why you ended it and now you miss me? WTF? So being the good Jew that I am, I respond and am like: Hi... did you have a good birthday last week?
So I am waiting for a reply. I don't think I want to date her again - it's not worth the trouble with her. But maybe we'll meet up and see... but I don't think I am interested. If she wants to get back together, she can do all the work. Otherwise she can leave me alone like she did earlier this year...

On another note... I was shopping at the Mall of Our Nation today when I bumped into this other girl I was psuedo-dating in Limassol. She was with a new guy. And she totally ignored me and the guy she was with was cute but not that hot. I was going to be like: don't come to Nicosia and fucking ignore me when you see me in Pull and Bear. But I was at the check out counter and couldn't be bothered to leave it.

Also I went to a dinner party the other day with a bunch of posh people. Fuck! You can't go anywhere in Nicosia without meeting someone who knows someone you know. It's crazy. I can't sneeze without everyone bitching about it! I really have to understand the fact that I am no longer in London!

I have more news too, but I am going to watch a movie so I'll post soon!

Hope you are all okay beeatches!

Germany is right...

Was ist das? Screamed the Germans when they heard of Britain’s idea to cut VAT rates. The German finance minister, Peer Steinbrück) criticised Britain’s plans to cut the VAT rate which would mean a whole generation would pay off and added as a remark would you buy a DVD player if it was lowered by less than a pound during the recession. No. So the VAT cut does not help anyone. And now everyone has turned against Germany demanding that they contribute some of their (hard earned) cash (may I add) to the recession because they were not conservative with their spending.

Why should Germany help? It’s Germany’s money and they should keep it. Maybe I’m being insensitive because in Cyprus the recession has not been that bad compared to other countries. However, I don’t see why Angela Merkel should sign away her country’s money to other EU states because they are going bankrupt. France has been pressuring Germany to cough up with Sarkozy saying that while France works, Germany thinks. I love the French but please don’t tell me that they work when they take days off like it’s going out of style and when they have the most national holidays! What? Now France decides to work. Merkel must b doing something right saying no to Europe as she still retains something ridiculous like 95% ratings in her party polls.

America has practically been printing money to save well… everything… Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the banks, the motor industry… and it has got them nowhere – so how will adding on more billions to the package help Europe? And why should Germany do it?

To rub the Europeans up further, not only are Germans happy to have Merkel reject the EU’s demand for more cash but they are not going to cut back on their Christmas shopping as… they don’t have to. Their economy is still robust, so why should they? Of course there are political reasons too – Germany goes to the polls in September, and no one will change tax rates before Christmas… but still… this time (as it usually is when it comes to money) Deutschland hat rechts.*

*And I hope my German grammar is right too!

To Parelthon mou?

Can I quickly say: Anna Vissi's new song - To Parelthon Mou. What do you think? Guys I have to admit, that I am falling in love with it. But it's hilarious. Scottish folk music in a Greek pop song? My friend told me about it and said it was amazing and I was like 'okay whatever'... then in the car on the way back to our Nation's Capital, stuck in traffic, this song, (that I thought was a Scottish dance track) came on. Then I heard Vissi sing. I burst out laughing thinking it was ridiculous. But honestly, it has really grown on me. All I want to now, when I hear it, is put on a kilt, paint my face like Braveheart and jump around singing to it!

Maybe I should get out more... but I can't... I have it on Youtube and I can't stop listening to it!

Annoying Couples and Full-Fat Milk

So right now two things annoy me. People who are in relationships and act like the effing Stepfords and people who are total hypocrites. Allow me to elaborate.

Now I know it may seem like I have been waging a war against people in relationships. This is not against relationships but how people go about demonstrating their love to their boyf/girlf to everyone else! Some couples are great – they function well, they don’t fight in public, they include other people in their conversation and they don’t overtly demonstrate their love for each other in front of an audience. I’d like to keep my dinner down while at the dinner table so I dislike people who over-demonstrate how much they love each other. I like tennis – how would you like it is I came into a room wearing tennis shorts and begin whacking the ball across the room. You wouldn’t appreciate it would you? So why them should I have to observe couples who turn their love for one another into a soap opera? One couple I know, more acquaintances than friends, could make you scream. It is literally ‘we’ and ‘me and my girlfriend’ (note that it’s not ‘my girlfriend and I’) all day long. I know more about his girlfriend than I do about him. And get this – they spend all their free time together. Is this normal? I am not a relationship expert but isn’t that a little extreme? Are you meant to spend every possible minute of the day together when you can? And why should I have to watch your love-life unfolding in front of me? I don’t want to know what you are having a dinner unless you are inviting me. People, it is literally 25 year olds playing family. It is so scary. It’s all we go to dinner, and the ‘in-laws’ are taking us for a drive (????????????????) (they are not married) and we love each other so much, why don’t you feel my heart and see for yourself! I couldn’t take it anymore so once I told him that if he ever mentioned his gf again I would seduce her. He’s not talking to me now… I’ll take that as a good sign.
If you are in a relationship, good for you, I applaud you and I support you. But if you act all schmultzy in front of me and act like you have been married for 40 year then please allow me to puke all over your face.

Number two annoying thing? It’s the kind of people who buy low-fat milk because they want to lose weight (you can see them piling on the pounds) and then for lunch they would have a big fat Greek meal (meat, meat and more meat) and then to top it off have a big chocolate dessert. And if the milk is not low-fat or at least semi-skimmed, Heaven help the person who buys Full Fat! People like me. The anti-full-fat people (who are in fact physically full fat) think that they will loose 100 pounds by not drinking full-fat milk while still gorging themselves on sweets. If they want to loose weight quickly don’t they realise it’s milk they should keep and junk food they should throw out? Perhaps they didn’t realise that. They were too busy digesting.

Someone asked me where I was from...

‘And are you Israeli?’
‘Do I look Israeli?’ I asked incredulously.
‘Yes.’
‘Well… I am a Jew.’ I acquiesced.
‘So you are from Israel then?’
‘Not yet’ I replied. ‘But my heart does belong in Tel Aviv'.
‘Then where are you from?’ he asked again.
‘I’m from the Eurozone’ I said and walked off to go get some cash from the bank.

Palin hates bloggers... and moose... and democrats... (duh!)

Sarah Palin described bloggers who spoke up against her as ‘Those bloggers in their pajamas sittin' in their parents' basements, just writin' garbage’. Dear Ms. Palin, I may have talked about you in my blog and like everyone else described you as a whackjob but I can guarantee to you that I do not sit around in pajamas, I am too busy to sit around and I don’t even own pajamas, my parents do not own a basement and I don’t live with them and I don’t write garbage (well, maybe sometimes – but it seems that you are the one who is upset with it).

No, you are wrong Ms. Palin. I write on the third floor of my apartment block; overlooking the city of Nicosia in very expensive clothes sipping red wine. May I also add that unlike you; I know that Africa is a continent and not a country; although I cannot see Russia from my house like you can, I know a lot more about it; and I think you should consider yourself I incredibly lucky to spend 140,000 dollars on clothes. If fashion doesn’t let you win it, then nothing will. Not even Tokyo fashion week!

Art at the UN

The roof of the UN HQ in Geneva is covered in a phenomenal art piece - see picture aboev. It does look good but it cost 18 million euros. A regualr roof would have cost about... what? Around a million? Now I know every international organisation's HQ building needs a roof - and sure, some could have art work, as above... but I kind of feel that that money could have been used for another cause like building a school in Africa, or perhaps to save a town somewhere. Perhaps the artists could have painted the the painting on the house (pun intended). I don't know - but with the violence in the DR Congo, Zimbabwe, Kosovo, Darfur, Tibet, the West Bank and everywhere else... that money seems a little excessive. Or maybe it's just my opinion and 18 million euros is nothing to the UN as they donate much more to charity and do so much more... you decide... I really can't say... my opinion on this is sketchy at best.

Fascist Furniture

As you probably know by now, I have moved into a new house. Being in a new house means I need furniture. I own nothing more than a bed and a table and have almost forgotten what a sofa feels and looks like. But recently I have come across more and more kitsch Stalin and Mao memorabilia. People are actually painting dictators who killed millions of people on their walls. What is this? Torture deco? All of a sudden evil dictators are all the rage. So much so that people are painting them on their walls. I have never come across a painting of Hitler on a wall… until I moved to Nicosia. I was in a ‘rock club’ with Cake and Pancake when I noticed behind me a big black and white image of Hitler. To say I was offended didn’t even cover it. In the UK, or anywhere else in the world this would have cause an outcry. In Cyprus, I blame the government. How about banning the swastika? I refuse to shop in any places where they sell any Nazi kitsch.

But now it has entered people’s living room; ok; not Hitler unless it’s a white extremist (in this case they entered their heart let so their living room is nothing now). But images of Mao and Stalin? Mao who starved 30 million of his people in his Great Leap Forward? Stalin who sent people to their deaths because of his paranoia that people will try to destroy the state? Stalin got away with it and are not as hated as the USSR was an ally in WWII. And now he can be proud that his face is on cushions and bedspreads. But not on doormats yet.

You know what’s on my wall? Pictures and memories of Israel.

Nazi crap just doesn't make the cut.

Vain? Me?

The other day someday called me a narcissist. Deciding to take this as a compliment rather than an insult I asked for him to expand upon what he meant, because I like it when people tell me how amazing I am even if they are lies; I pretend they are real. Instead of telling me why I looked good he sent me the Wiki link on Narcissus instead. This hardly inflated my ego – which is what I would have liked. But I decided to admit to myself that I can look rather stunning. I’d like to think I am a model; more of a model citizen (not while driving though) rather than a Gucci model, but these are mere details.
I like my style. I dress well and smartly. I don’t wear uber-expensive clothes but somehow I can pull off a particular look. I have been criticised for this, for some reason – I really can’t understand why – it’s not like wear outlandish attire. I think people should applaud personal style which mirrors personality. I knew this guy who tried too much to be original that he wore a bunch of black bracelets on one arm, some kind of leather thing on the other, ripped jeans and had a shaved head. He looked ridiculous. And did not look good. He achieved nothing by looking like a high-class beggar.
My look is me. I wear shirts well and so I wear a lot of them. I can also pull of ties really well and I cannot leave the house without having polished shoes. If eyes are the windows to the souls then shoes indicate the path you will take in life.
Moral of the posting: admit your vanity and have clean shoes.

Conservative? Me?

‘Don’t behave like that’ said my ex when it had to be whipped. ‘I’m conservative’
Of course, the thing I wanted to be whipped was the cream; I was making a cake – and the recipe said whip the cream up. So when I asked her to pass me the whip from my nightstand table she screamed that she was conservative. The relationship deteriorated to rubble less than 12 hours later. Which begs the questions…

Conservative? Me? Oh no. I’m as liberal as they come. The only time anyone should be conservative* is with money. Being financially conservative is the only conservative you should be – especially in these times of recession (thank you bankers). Usually people who are socially conservative (the worst type) are the ones who are afraid of what’s happening with the world beyond their back yard. (I’ll tell you what’s happening – there’s a recession – so worry about your money not that wonderfully kind immigrant family that moved in round the corner). Other than that, people are socially conservative because they are frigid and worry that they won’t be any good in the bedroom. Which is usually the case.

*May I add that along with being socially liberal but financially conservative I am a Conservative Jew. This does not mean that Conservative Jews have a conservative outlook to life (in fact many CJs I know are actually incredibly liberal) but the conservative-element denotes upholding the religious practices. It’s Conservatives to make you a better practicing Jew rather than to frown upon the world because of your own frigidity.

The Names of Areas in Nicosia

Nicosia has the most random area names. Of course there is the centre and the Walled City where you will find a ‘wall’ at the end of Ledra Street.

Athens in Cyprus?: There are areas named after Athens in Nicosia, they are my beloved Acropolis and Lycabettus. So you can imagine my delight when I tell people that I work at the Acropolis. And then they reply; ‘really? Do you? Are you an archaeologist?’ and I’m like ‘No m’am, I’m a BabyBusinessMan’. Not Acropolis Athens – Acropolis, Nicosia!

Milk: Kaimakli is an area in central Nicosia and is named from the Turkish work Kaymak meaning something like the skin of the milk because there were shepherds in the area (there is also a Kaimakli in occupied Nicosia). Kaimakli should be the nicest area in Nicosia as it is in the city but it’s residential. But because of the invasion we completely forgot this area.

Cypriot flowers: Pallouriotissa. You’d think after it’s name Palloura it would be nice but instead it is ghetto central. I used to live there when I first moved to Nicosia. There are no words. Only sounds. And they go something like this: URGH!

Ayoi Omoliyites: our President’s area

Ayia Paraskevi: home of the Cyprus Central Bank. Good thing it’s next to a Church!

Posh wannabes: Aglanztia, a really nice area actually, with the University, Skali area with great views of the city. And which I call Aglankia or Aglankea because I want to sound like a psonara but then everyone laughs and say things like ‘he’s from London…’ They also wanted to change Lastia (pronounced Lacha). Unfortunatrly for the psonares they didn’t so some people like me, who pretend to be high-class say La-tsia (like Lazzio, as in Lazzio Roma).

Spice Girls and Painters: Before you enter out nation’s capital you will find Geri (named after a Spice Girl) and Dali (named after Salvador Dali perhaps? Or maybe Delhi in India?)

Jungle: If Nicosia is the capital of Cyprus then Strovolo is the capital of Nicosia. It is the second largest municipality in Cyprus (the city of Limassol is number one) and is a concrete jungle. It is so big, so crazy, I am scared going there. It’s nuts, it’s just huge. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going when I’m there. But at the same time, Strovolo has the capital’s largest mansions. My friend Milky (blog at links) said that Strovolo was very posh before. Hmmm… really?

Wrong Grammar: Lakatamia, for me this might as well be in Paphos. I have never been there, and is meant to be ‘the new place to live’. I say Ta Lakatamia because it sounds plural, like Ta Ioannina, plus you have Pano Lakatamia and Kato Lakatamia and so it is plural. So Ta Lakatamia is correct.

Forest City: Dasoupoli. I went there, and didn’t find any trees. Only houses

Engomi: I love this area. The old bit that used to be a village is so pretty, how have they not built little shops and cafes there? Engomi is also home of Coffee Beanery, Blinkers and Bennginhams where you can try out Margaritas for €1.71 on Thursdays!

Makedonitissa: is that an area named after a lady from Makedonia in Greece?

Ayios Dometos: only been once and I didn’t know I was in it

Ayios Andreas: as above

Blossom City: Anthoupoli. It sounds nice but I hear it’s rough and is divided by a highway route from its neighbouring area which is…

Archangel: Archangel, which I think is the best name for an area

And of course we can’t forget the Mall of Cyprus!

And of course before I forget; the maddest name: Drakoumel! We must be the only area who has an area named after a character from the Smurfs! Only in CY!

Obama at the White House

With the advent of Obama to the White House I hear many Americans saying that they feel proud to be American again. And I am proud for them. I am also a little proud from me. I’ll tell you why. Since Bush came on the scene and wreaked havoc many Americans, Republican and Democrats alike have shied away from expressing their dislike of their president and at the time toned-down their American-ness (only slightly though – Americans are not ones to be thought of as timid). I even during the times of Bush (but not because of Bush) have always been fond of America. My reason for this is simple; the people. The closest and best friends I made were American. If you surround yourself by one thing, in my case; Americans; then inevitably you adopt their ways. My accent has become if not American then transatlantic; with many strong R’s and statements that sound like questions. But only slightly – people assume I’m some kind of Eurotrash-type person who spends his time between Geneva and New York. Either than or I’m some Middle Eastern who although acts all pious can’t resist the pleasures of the West.

I’m none of these. I just made good American friends, picked up their values (confidence, openness and a penchant for good times) and dropped my English values (overt-politeness) and some Cypriot values (erm… it turns out that I actually didn’t have many to begin with). And so I became default American. Not the ‘God bless America’ type, but more the ‘land of opportunity/ hard work/ get off your ass and do something/ I have something to say’ type, which for me is the real America; unapologetic and creative. So now America will come back in fashion again. To hate America is no longer fashionable. For me it never was because I knew the difference between associating Bush with America. They are two different concepts. People do not see this and often associate the leader of a country with the country, so because Obama won and people like him, America is popular again. People not only don’t hate it now but they want to love it. Correction; they need to love it because wearing an American flag on the t-shirts will be in again. I on the other hand can take the moral high-ground… maybe the ‘I was there first’ high ground; because I always liked America. I just wish I was there to cheer them all on!

Hi... and Sorry

Hello and Sorry I have not been posting

My computer is broken and am in the process of getting a new one (thsi process seems to be taking forever). It is painful not keeping up to day with your lives through your blogs (yes I do read them even if I don't comment). And it is just as bad that I can't update mine. But I found a free computer and a spare moment I had tucked away and decide to post some bloggings!

So... I hope you enjoy... coming back to the virtual world soon!

BBM

Short Stories: Mario

One night at a bar I got talking to my friend Mario’s friend Mario. He used to work for a large foreign company in Limassol but now is unemployed.‘But why?’ I asked. ‘Because the company I worked for’ he explained has made an agreement with the other big two companies in Limassol, never to hire any of each other’s staff. So if I wanted to go to their rival company I can’t as they don’t hire their rivals staff.’‘But why?’ I asked again. ‘Because you can give information or be a spy. It’s like when you change girlfriends. Won’t you talk about your ex to your new girlfriend?’‘I don’t know’ I began ‘generally, we don’t talk much. And when I do, it’s either in a foreign language or on msn. Or it never lasts. I’m better with technology.’‘Is that what your ex said when she dumped you?’ asked my friend’s Mario friend Mario.‘I’m not surprised no one is hiring you’ I said ‘with an agreement or without’.‘It’s okay. I’m moving to Switzerland’ he went on.‘Well that’s all the Swiss need. Another banker wanker!’

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BabyBusiness Tips

The difference between businessmen and other people; is that businessmen actually believe the world revolves around them. And if it doesn’t revolve around them, then they make it revolve around them.