The Girl who didn't know what she wanted (and I dated)

I dated a girl, who literally did not know what she wanted. She kept me hanging on months, to finish her studies to start dating, and then she decides she doesn’t know whether she wants to be in a relationship. This is how one conversation would progress:

Me: Do you want to go out?

Her: I’m so tired

Me: For an hour?

Her: Where.

Me: Chinese.

Her: Which area?

Me: Centre.

Her: They have a Chinese there?

Me: They have Chinese food everywhere!

Her: Hmmm… who are you going with?

Me: With you.

Her: Really?

Me: Would I lie?

Her: Do you lie?

Me: Do I look like I lie?

Her: I don’t know. I’m sooooo tired.

Me: Well do you want some coffee?

Her: You want to go for coffee instead? I thought you said Chinese

(At this point I should have slammed the phone down but I didn’t)

Me: No I mean have coffee to wake up and go to Chinese

Her: Hmmm…

Me: So?

Her: So what?

Me: Chinese?

Her: I’m too tired. Can I let you know?

Me: When?

Her: Later. Tired. Yawn.

By 10pm I still didn’t know what our plans were. When I asked her about it a few days later she said that she feel asleep because she was tired. As if she didn’t mention that in the conversation.

More than friends, less than partners

I met C a few years ago when I was on holiday in Limassol. Often we would hook up when I was back in CY. She was more than a friend but less than a girlfriend. And we were okay like that. I lost contact with her but didn’t meet up with her until I moved to Nicosia; where we slipped back into our old ways. We’d go out clubbing or for a few drinks and then hook up. No fuss, no muss. When she was in a relationship and I saw her out and about I said hi and let her initiate any first moves. Once at a club she was talking to her boyf, from Romania. In situations like that, we just talked and I generally ignored her then-boyf (for a number of reasons). When he was deported or something like that, she asked me to begin a relationship, which I declined saying we were better off as friends, which is not untrue, but also, because I just got out of a relationship which imploded and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.

So it was to my surprise that she text me today with a message that real like this: Dear BBM – hi. How are you? Just to let you know, my ex-boyf is back in CY and looking for work and now we got together. Have a good Easter!

What’s the first problem with this text? Well… I’m a Jew, Shalom! It’s Passover! But in her defence I think I forgot to mention that. But other than that? Initially I was taken aback as I hadn’t spoken to her for over 6 weeks now so the text seemed rather out of context. Then it hit me, like a giant Easter egg on the head! She didn’t want me to contact her again. In a way I was upset as we always got on. But then again, when one door shuts in your face another window opens (for you to throw yourself out of?). To be fair, they made a good couple; she was sweet, wore glasses and was nerdy in a cute way. And so is he if I remember correctly when I saw him a couple of times – but don’t quote me on the cute.

However (and there’s always a however) she used to bitch to me that he used to date her for money and maybe, a place to stay. So what she is doing with him now? And then I wonder, is she dating him because she has nothing else to do (other than spend her money on him?). Also, I have to ask: is she texting me to make me jealous? I think I am slightly – but when I think about it – it’s not the relationship I miss. It’s the other benefits.

The Date that couldn't decide!

Date (pictured above): Hi How are you?
Me: I'm fine. What are you doing later
Date: What time is 'later'
Me: Anytime, I'm easy
Date: What do you have in mind...
Me: Drinks... then whatever
Date: What time?
Me: Any's okay with me.
Date: What time do you prefer?
Me: Okay then, let's say 9pm?
Date: Okay, I'll call you later...

WHAT? THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME WHAT TIME?????????????????????????

Conclusion: Do you think I wanted to go on a date after that? Fuck no!

The ex is gone...

My crazy ex wanted to meet up. I agreed because I was bored and knew she just wanted to meet up for one thing. Then I remembered that I found her repulsive and decided to cancel. But I said it in a way that made it sound that I want a relationship from her.

‘Dear Skunk-face. I would lto meet with you but only if you want a relationship. Love me!’

Then I press send!

I could feel her going crazy in her room all the way in Strovolo. 45 minutes later she replied: Your loss babe xx

So I did the mature thing of replying: Actually it’s your loss since you ended it xx.

Then she text something so rude I won’t even write here and I replied by saying: what’s your problem? Why are you behaving this way?

Of course she didn’t reply. I guess she used up her free texts!

But the truth was; she had to go. My friend Barb warned me to stay away and end it, which I did, but not completely. We still kept texting. This time, it needed to be a clean break. No text. No nothing.

I didn’t like her energy. I didn’t like her attitude. I didn’t like her family. I didn’t like her friends. So when it came down to it, I didn’t like her either. Plus, she ‘dated’ some really skanky guys and I’m the kind of person who judges you by your ex and what they were like.

Crazy Exes of 2008 are back. What?

Wow... have some people really gotten into the Christmas spirit.

Ex no3 of 2008
So I told you my ex has gotten in contact with me and wants to get back together. I said yes provisionally but I really don't think I'm interested. She probably only wants to get back because it's Christmas and wants an extra present. Well... it's not going to be me. I don't even know why I said yes, I guess I had nothing to do.

Ex no2 of 2008 (that I kind of fell in love with...)*
And my ex-ex, the love of 2008 has unblocked me on facebook. Should I care? I guess these gestures are too little, too late at the end of the year.

So it looks like everyone is in the Christmas spirit. I would be too... but I'm a Jew.

My lovelife used to be so interesting... now I'm talking about exes on facebook... hmmm... maybe some fun for the New Year? I think so...

*If you're wondering what happened to ex no1 of 2008 that's another story.

My ex is back via email! What?

So my ex has emailed me after unceremoniously dumping me months ago. It's not that I mind being dumped - I mean - I dumped many a dates - but she did it while I drinking Margaritas with my friends on a Thursday night. And no one ruins my Margarita nights.

So I see this email that she sent like... in November... which I didn't check out because I had no computer. So I see this email that went something like:
BabyBusinessMan, hiiiiiii.... I miss youuuuuuuu... Love youuuuuuuuuu... :) kiss kiss xoxoxoxoxo

And I'm like - what? You said you missed your ex which is why you ended it and now you miss me? WTF? So being the good Jew that I am, I respond and am like: Hi... did you have a good birthday last week?
So I am waiting for a reply. I don't think I want to date her again - it's not worth the trouble with her. But maybe we'll meet up and see... but I don't think I am interested. If she wants to get back together, she can do all the work. Otherwise she can leave me alone like she did earlier this year...

On another note... I was shopping at the Mall of Our Nation today when I bumped into this other girl I was psuedo-dating in Limassol. She was with a new guy. And she totally ignored me and the guy she was with was cute but not that hot. I was going to be like: don't come to Nicosia and fucking ignore me when you see me in Pull and Bear. But I was at the check out counter and couldn't be bothered to leave it.

Also I went to a dinner party the other day with a bunch of posh people. Fuck! You can't go anywhere in Nicosia without meeting someone who knows someone you know. It's crazy. I can't sneeze without everyone bitching about it! I really have to understand the fact that I am no longer in London!

I have more news too, but I am going to watch a movie so I'll post soon!

Hope you are all okay beeatches!

No - I am not coming to your house at 11pm!

Let me tell you what I hate; indecisiveness and disorganisation. So I was going to go out with this girl. When I asked her when to meet she said we’ll arrange something. On Saturday night she texts me to meet up. ON SATURDAY NIGHT? MEET UP? I’m BabyBusinessMan, I network on Saturday nights not go on first dates. And she texts me without giving me notice to meet up? So we arrange for Sunday evening after her guests have left. I get a text saying she’ll call me after 10pm but didn’t want to meet me in town because… she’s ‘not in the mood to go downtown and would rather be relaxing at home…’ I text backing saying that we should leave it as she doesn’t seem that interested and it is already 11pm. 11pm for a first date? I’m BabyBusinessMan, I have work in the morning. No money for me means no honey. And I like my honey!

Anyway, she texts back saying she was in the shower and ‘sorry.’ And all I’m thinking, ‘didn’t you shower before your guests came?’ So I replied saying ‘another time maybe. It’s getting late.’ Which I think is more than fair from me. I don’t have to be nice you know, but I will be because I’m a gentleman as well as a businessman.

But as always I end up thinking: what if she was the one? What if she just slipped through my fingers? Well I have two thoughts for that, a) if she was the one she would be more organised and would like to come out and meet me for a drink and b) do I have time for her? Do I have time to date? I’m busy you know, I have work to do. I am after all your one and only BabyBusinessMan!

You know you love me!

(After re-reading this, I really should get over myself shouldn't I?)

Love or Money?

If you in a relationship right now, consider yourself lucky. Not because you are ugly as sin and someone has randomly fallen in love with you, but because it is nice in today’s day and age to have someone special there beside you. For those of you who are not in a relationship, consider yourself lucky that you’re single; as you have the option to find someone rich (and hopefully stupid and not too ugly) to marry without cheating on your partner, like relationship people do.
I have a little theory, which most of you will agree with. That some people in this world are naturally relationship people, and other aren’t. My latest girlfriend (GF no.278) was in three relationships, except when she was studying (gee… I wonder what she did in between lectures?).

Anyway, her Rels (relationships) lasted for 4 months, then uni, 4 years and 6 months. How? How does someone move from one relationship to the other? Of course she carries around baggage; no matter what you do, the older you get will mean having more baggage, but at least hers are from relationships whereas mine are from bar-skanks and bad dates… and a couple of dysfunctional relationships thrown in for good measure. So when I enter a relationship instead of jealousy issues I will have issues with you not asking to buy me another shot of tequila while we sit in the kitchen having breakfast (which in my opinion is infinitely better than having jealousy issues of course).

Someone at the office asked me what’s happening with my GF no. 278. I told him that it didn’t work out. ‘Another one dumped you again?’ he asked. It hurt because it’s the truth. And it hurts, not because she was special to me, we had only been going out for two weeks, but I never lose. And here I am entering a new relationship and I lose once more. The again, Amy Winehouse does sing ‘love is a losing game’ so I guess I’m not the only one. I suppose that’s some consolation. But Amy W. is a drug-addict now, I am not. (But she is married and I am not).
So I guess it comes down to the fact that I’m not one of the relationship people (unless a rel with an email account counts – 9 years people! My email should have its own website). So what do you do when a) you’re BabyBusinessMan b) you can’t find anyone good c) no one wants to date you d) you like showing off and image is everything and e) you view everything as a business deal? Guess. Have you guessed? Ok, this is the answer: you trade love for money. From kiss-kiss you go to ka-ching. Isn’t that the best idea?

I know I’m being cynical, but after almost 10 years of dating, I’m tired. If there is something wrong with me, then no one tells me what it is. Maybe it’s that I’m too amazing for you all… but there’s nothing I can do about that. But think about it, looking for love has got me nowhere. It has made matters worse instead of better, and the annoying thing is; I’m a catch. I’m not a psycho, I don’t smell, I speak Spanish and do yoga. What’s not to like? Well… a lot apparently depending on who you ask. So I’m looking for a relationship that instead of enhancing my love-life will enhance my profile and image. I mean I am BabyBusinessMan and this is Nicosia.

A fight over Nicosia

If you have not read the below blog I suggest you do so before carrying on with this one.

So as you probably read, the below blog talks about this whole Nicosia vs Limassol 'fight' we have been having since Cyprus got electricity. Well the next day I had a conversation that made me realise how much closer I am to Nicosia than I thought and how much I will stand up for my adopted city. Here it how it goes...

I was meant to meet up a delegate from a European embassy for a 'date' on Friday night. We met a few months ago and decided to get to know each other over drinks on Friday night. She got to the capital late, then I went to the gym, then I went for drinks, then she went for dinner and I went to Zoo (that's for another blog post though - maybe tomorrow) and so our date never materialised. So she called on Saturday morning for a chat. Instead I got a laundry list of why she hates Nicosia.

ME: Hi Embassy Bitch, how are you?

EB: I'm wondering around Nicosia and I hate it.

ME: Oh? Why so?

EB: There is just nothing to do and there is no sea and nowhere to sunbathe and I just hate it. I've been wondering around the city centre and it's just so hot. Why do they have the capital here? They should move it to the sea. They should move it to Larnaca.

ME: Well, Nicosia has been the capital of the island since 1000AD, that's capital of 1,000 and 8 years and the British made it the administrative centre of the island and so you can't change it because there is no sea. Plus Nicosians are rich, they all have holiday homes in Protaras. Nicosia is a corporate town filled with businesses and moving the capital as you say to Larnaca will run up debts of billions of euros. If Nicosia seems ugly it's because you are in the centre and because of the invasion and division the suburbs have been developed mostly. (Have you been to Engomi bitch?)

EB: Oh. Well... still... The hotel staff were rude. They said they don't iron t-shirts and I need it ironed... and there is not enough privacy to check my emails.

ME: The staff were rude? Nicosians are busy people. You're lucky they didn't banish you to... Aradipou!

EB: And I joined a dating site for Cyprus. All the guys want up to 30 years old.

ME: How old are you?

EB: 35. No. Oops. 36, I'm 36. 36

ME: Hmmmm

EB: And the guys are conservative.

ME: It's a small society. Reputation means a lot.

EB: Yes but Luxembourg is small and they are not conservative.

ME: You can't compare a north European country that is more or less a rich city where it's been liberal for years to Cyprus where reputation is worth it's weight in gold.

EB: And the men are so hairy. I can't deal with it.

ME: So don't. And for the record, most men wax. Even I do.

EB: And they say they are not gay! What queens!

ME: It has nothing to do with being queens. It's that Cyprus care about their appearance and are very fashion conscious and want to look their best. No self-respecting Cypriot will dare to go out looking good and want the whole package to look good.

EB: How odd.

ME: It's not odd, it's a different culture. Just because the culture isn't banger and mash it doesn't make it odd, or wrong or strange. It makes it different from yours. And that's the colonialist mentality you need to work on.

All this because the Embassy Bitch hated Nicosia and Cypriot men.

Why does this keep happening to me? I swear to you. Cypriot girls find me too 'foreign.' Foreigners find me western but Cypriot enough to think that a) I'm exotic but b) that's I'm western enough to slag Cyprus off to me. When in fact it's my country. And they say that Cypriots are arrogant. You know what I say? Good! I'm glad they are. It's a form of pride, albeit wrong, but still... I just wish Cypriots too more pride in what they are rather than how they look or wanting to be Greek, or Euro-Cypriot or some of this rubbish. Cyprus is great. Act like it is!

OMG!

After a breakup, when the tears have dried and the wounds have healed we often go through a time of reconciliation with two aspects. Reconciliation with the person who broke our heart and reconciliation with the present; the fact that we are no longer with the person and are back at square one, alone, single, and having to date again. It can be a daunting task when placed comfortably in a relationship where we no longer feels its me against the world but us against the world. Dating = me against the world but I need to find someone.

Eventually, we wish the ex the best, hope that they are happy and wish them the best if they are with someone new and has set up the business you encouraged them to do. This was the case with IsraeliBaby. After it ended I was shattered for about a year and half and when I came out from under her spell I could talk to her and function like a real human-being rather than a nervous wreck. She got back with her ex and set up her own company in Athens, Tel Aviv and then Jerusalem. I felt happy for her and wished her all the best in her relationship and life in general. She always had a special place in my heart.

That is until recently. When an ex hurts you again after it’s over then the battle line must be redrawn, ammunition must be bought and a thick-skin should be re-grown. Certain places are out of bounds: cafes, clubs, cities even whole countries. I claimed Limassol as my territory but as she still lived there, I went on holiday to Tel Aviv, making the city mine. She then took revenge by coming to Cyprus all the time, claiming the island as hers. Technically an ex can’t hurt you romantically after it’s over. But you’d be surprised. I mean, when a country is randomly attacked by another, the first reaction is surprise. And then you say: I should have been prepared. I should have seen it coming. But you never do.

PartyAnimal invited me out one Friday night. I declined as I had to finish off a project I was working on. The next day he told me all about an Israeli girl he has been talking to (and more) that night. The more details he gave the more she sounded like IsraeliBaby, with a few differences, such as she had short hair. He mentioned that he wanted to see her again but she was flying back to Tel Aviv on Monday and that he really liked her hotter, blonder friend but settled for her instead. I shrugged off the strange feeling in my stomach as too much Mexican food. But my instincts never lie. Which is why I ignore them.

A week passed by when I logged onto Facebook. IsraeliBaby had updated her profile to >>IsraeliBaby is: Back from Cyprus<<. And uploaded photos of her with a) her short hair and b) her hotter, blonder friend. I felt like I was hit by an oil tanker! I called up PartyAnimal and asked what her name was telling him that he had been with my friend. ‘I can’t really remember’ he said unfazed as if he had just swallowed a kilo of tranquilizers. Either he felt bad and was lying or was so drunk at the time that he couldn’t remember, which knowing him was an actually possibility. ‘What’s her number?’ I asked. He gave me the last three digits to see if they corresponded when in fact I really wanted her number again (I deleted them after I began dating BabyX which ended in disaster as you well know).

IsraeliBaby ended our engagement to get back her ex and now that she’s having ‘stands’, it must obviously be over between them. So she left me to get with her ex and now that she’s single again she hooked up with my friend? Wow. The irony. I swear all this is true. I am not making any of this up. I mean, who would think of a scenario so outlandish? And the funny thing was, to me she was beautiful when in fact, my friend wanted her friend. Oh the humour!
And what’s more. I’m the Jewish one! I don’t know what I want to say here; but I’m the Jewish one! Jews stick together. It says so in the Bible (somewhere).

The thing about PartyAnimal that annoyed me was that he was unapologetic that he had been with my ex. But I had no reason to be angry at ether of them for the simple fact that: they never met. I never introduced IsraeliBaby to PartyAnimal because we weren’t friends then. They didn’t know each other because I didn’t know PartyAnimal at all. So I couldn’t be mad at him because it was no one’s fault.

And that’s when I heard it. A big crack just ripped open and all the feelings I had for IsraeliBaby broke. They instantly vanished. From IsraeliBaby she became Israeli-eBay; I’d give her away in a heartbeat. At the time, even though she wasn’t in love with me, I still loved her. She didn’t call me but I thought of her often. She didn’t call me on my birthday but I sent her a card. She still meant something to me. And now? Nothing. Ani margish klum; as they say in Hebrew. I feel nothing. And that’s what’s actually upsetting I held her in such high regard. Once I said I’d love her forever now I don’t even care.

Jealousy and the Evil Eye

So I’ve decided to keep things from my friends, not because I have anything to hide, but because of their evil eye. We were in a club a few weeks back when I met BarWoman. As I mentioned in a previous post, we got together, we hung out and had fun spending time together. At the time none of my friends knew this. Until a week later when we met up for lunch, I told PartyAnimal and our mutual friend HairStylist asked what had become of us. I hesitated in telling them for some reason but then said that ‘yes, we’re causally dating’ to which they ‘aaaah’ed’ and ‘oooooh’ed’ and then continued eating their salads.
What’s wrong with this scenario? I’ll tell you.

That day, as in everyday I sat down with them for hours that day talking about their relationships. HairStylist’s relationship revolved around hair gel and shampoo (Vidal Sassoon?). And somehow we discussed it. And why not, he’s a good friend of mine and I’ll offer this support. But when you are about to break up over the lack of use of conditioner… that’s when I need to start drinking, PartyAnimal on the other hand, did not stop talking about girls, and that she’s cute, and look at her, and what he would do with that and how hot she was and how cool and… blah blah blah. And when it was my turn al they did was raise their eyebrows. For once I had a better functioning ‘relationship’ (and I use this term in the loosest of ways) whereas all they had was a hair gel obsession and punani-fantasies. And what did I get from them, no response, no tears of joy or questions about marriage. I got nothing. Nada. No response. Not a slither of interest. Instead they asked me to pass them the salt!

Why? Because of jealousy. Which is why they gave me the evil eye. I’m sure they did, because the night before BarWoman and I had gone out and literally after the conversation with my friends, she was hard to get hold of. When I eventually did track her down she gave me some lame excuse about being busy and going on holiday (which she did in the end) but I know that my friends jinxed the relationship. I don’t like the brag or make out that I am something I am not but I know that my friends get jealous of me and want me to trip up. It’s not because they don’t like me, it’s because they don’t like me to progress. As the say in Greek they have the evil eye.

It turns out BarWoman wanted to meet up after she got back from holiday. But by then, almost a month had past since we last got together and for me the ship had sailed and the courtship had ended. Although I like her I felt that she didn’t put any energy into developing what could have been a relationship and fell out of lust with her. With me, once it’s over it’s over and there’s no going back. I like her and truly wish her the best of luck. Unlike my friends.

The One I Never Met

So my ex-housemates’ friend Dan bumped into me in a coffee shop in Nicosia, literally bump into me with his coffee spilling it all over my jeans and offered to buy new a new one (a new coffee not a new pair of blue jeans). Dan is the friend of my ex-housemate from uni who never ever bathed and stank like hell, I should have known that Dan would be just as slimy. Anyway Dan told me about his new housemate in Nicosia. ‘A girl who you would love’ he kept saying. At first I smiled and sipped on my latte thinking it was his usual rubbish he went on about. ‘You’d really like her’ he repeated. ‘So why don’t you introduce us then?’ I asked. ‘Oh no, I can’t, she travels a lot, she’s very cool and likes hard work, she works for the UN (like two of my exes) and I just can’t’ he went on. ‘But why?’ I insisted… and he still wouldn’t give me an actual answer. He just kept on being vague about not introducing us, but kept going on about how perfect we’d be. (And he was probably right. It’s usually people who work in tough jobs like the UN or as secret agents who can date me, only because they can keep up with my demands and unpredictable bouts of rage and madness fits). But, no he refused to make an introduction.

What was that all about? It’s like dangling sweets in front of a child and then saying ‘no you can’t have them… bad for you’re teeth you see.’ Why bother even saying anything? Why promote your housemate ‘who is great’ for me and who I’d get on with and then actually refuse to make an introduction. What kind of power trip is that? Obviously he must be scraping the bottom of the barrel and must have no one to mentally torture. And Dan knew full well that I’d be interested in dating... anyone. I’d date anything. I’d probably even date your divorced aunt with dyed red hair who lives in Australia. Or your local pharmacist. The receptionist from the hotel you stayed in this summer. Maybe even your plant. Or the person who sold the plant to you. Not because I’m desperate but because I’d never say no to an adventure. And who knows, the next one could be the one. Although in this case we went from potentially meeting ‘the one’ to meeting no one. Thanks Dan. Not only did you ruin my jeans but you ruined my mood.

Single: Part 3

Single: Part 2

Earlier on, I wrote about the ‘joys’ of being single, only because I’m too tired to date. And it got me thinking, about being in a couple instead of being in a relationship with your take-away place. And I was wondering if it is so great being in a relationship, then why aren’t there any great couples?
And then I realised that there were great couples… Brangelina. Although Jolie broke Jen and Brad. And this blog supports Aniston!

There is my friends Laverne who is a long-distance and successful relationship with her man.
There’s Cake and her shrink. But then again, being married to a shrink, wouldn’t you be ok? Think of all the free pills! That could work with me.
Then there are my gay friends who are in perhaps the most balanced, fair and caring relationship I have ever seen. I can’t even have that with myself. I’m going to go to couples councelling for the relationship between me and my alter ego.

Then I need to have another session of councelling for the most important relationship in my life, between me and my email account. Hotmail’s been feeling neglected because I spend too long on Facebook. I say it’s just a phase, but there’s been trouble ever since I posted those after those photographs of me with my… anyway… even my virtual relationships are dysfunctional.

Single: Part 1

I just read another article about why it’s depressing being single. I feel depressed now. But, until I read the article I was fine. Ok, maybe it’s because I’m swamped with work before the holidays but still, I have secretly been enjoying being single. How do I know this? Because I haven’t’ wanted to date. And if you read below, the dates I was about to go on, I couldn’t have cared less about them. In the mean time, I’ve been working, reading, chilling under the sun (true despite sounding like an oxymoron) shopping and generally being single and cool (in the heat. Another uncanny oxymoron).

Yes being single can be horrendous, and incredibly frustrating if you’re a man. But after two and a half failed relationships in the first half of 2008, countless dates, unanswered phone calls, stalking expeditions, horrendous amounts of money spent on clothes and beauty treatments, blind dates, secret dates, dates where I wish were kept secret, mistaken identities, stolen identities etc, etc, etc… I have not succumbed to being single. I am merely too tired not wanting to be single. Even if I am clubbing and you want to give me your number, I’m too tired to punch the number onto my phone. Even if you write it in whipped cream across your chest… sorry it’s 11.30… off to bed! Alone. Thanks for the offer.

And you know what. Sex and the City the Movie says the opposite. Unless you’re Samantha (the exception to the rule) the other three cannot be happy without a man, or a bunny (not the one that eats carrots). And women buy into this. And then THEY call themselves a feminist. It’s totally anti-femenist, and they don’t even see it. Even I am more feminist than they are and secretly I’m a misogynist. I hate women! There is so much pressure, from movies or elsewhere to ‘not be single’ that any relationship should do and that it’s miserable being single. True, it can be. But what’s the alternative? To get into a relationship with just anyone so you won’t be single? It’s a label. Like designer clothes. This is Gucci. This is in a relationship. THIS IS A LOAD OF CRAP PEOPLE!

But as I said. I’ just too tired to date. And I don’t care.
Which is why I don’t hate the player, but I’m just too tired with the game. And right now, it’s time out in my dugout for me. Correction, time out in a spa and/or bath, with a bottle of Moet and chocolate truffles. For one.

A date in a parking?

I was about to go out on a date. Now this girl, cancelled on me once before. Ok she didn’t exactly cancel, but she didn’t ring to confirm the arrangements I made, and I didn’t ring back. The next time we spoke I put the ball in her court. It turns out that it was more like a ball and chain for her. She couldn’t make a decision but told me she wanted me to pick her up from the Carrefour parking so we can go together. I tried to look at the bright side, that it could have been Lidl instead of Carrefour, but that’s only the bright sie by default, as there is no Lidl in Cyprus (if only it was Ikea).

So she wanted me to get her from the Carrefour parking as we can go to the café together. You’d all agree that that is a little odd. Anyway. She called back saying that she was going to see friends, then go back home then to Breeze, and so she wouldn’t have had time to meet up that night. Fine. So I let her make all the decisions and told her that if she wanted to meet she could call me. She didn’t call. And I’m glad. You know why? Because she is not ready to date. I don’t know if there is such as thing as ready to date, you just go on one. It’s not like you’re being asked to go on a frigging rollercoaster now is it? Although I can see why some would rather go on a rollercoaster ride than on a date with me. Some say I’m too much. I say: they need bigger mouths

Why I won't date you...

So I am dating this girl, and I don’t know why. I think she likes me but I can’t be bothered. A year ago I would never have played someone like this, but this year, after all the shit that happened, relationship-wise, I have totally changed. I am a lot less considerate, a lot more ruthless and a lot more aloof. I’ll date you and then dump you. If you remember a few posts ago I dumped some Anglo-Cyprian chick for telling me her rented villa cost 1.5 million. And I think I made a good choice, despite leaving her in the restaurant with an €85 dinner bill to pay. If she can afford 1.5 for a villa, surely she can afford the dinner bill and handle my hostility.
So I am dating this new girl who doesn’t really excite me. I just don’t care what she says, I just want to… anyway…

Anyway recently I was a bit depressed as my relationship with BabyX completely fell apart and so did my world. Until I decided to plat the game as ruthlessly as they do. That’s when I got thinking, that I haven’t been the nicest person to date either. Ok, I never led anyone on as I do now, although I’m not playing them, I just tell them I don’t want anything serious (although I do just not with them). So I made a list of the reasons why I dumped people.

1) Her driving. Whenever she would overtake a car, she would drive right up to it then change lane.
2) Drinking tea. At midnight. Instead of alcohol. Although maybe that’s because she wanted to be energetic all night.
3) Never drinking beer. No teetotallers. If you don’t drink alcohol then I don’t date you.
4) Talking about her ex on the first date. If she does that she wants to be with him not with me.
5) Talking about herself all the time. I’m not Oprah and you are not my guest on the show. Although like all guest-stars on any show, they have to go.
6) Having too many stuffed animals on her bed.
7) Being frigid and saying that lips are only for kissing. I tried to explain that we can kiss different parts of our body, even after I showed her. But she wouldn’t have it. Although I know she enjoyed it.
8) Not owning a mobile phone. How am I supposed to contact her? By sending a pigeon with a note attached?
9) Asking what car I drive. Then telling me that her dad's car is bigger. I responded by saying that's although he has a bigger car he has a smaller...
10) Not being BabyX.

Ironically I had a really good time with a dominatrix by night and banker by day who owned a Doberman. That could have worked if the dog didn’t eat the keys of the handcuffs she had on me when she chained me to her bed naked. Although I still would have dated her, but then she moved to Prague to play the accordion, and I don’t like the accordion, so that couldn’t have worked!

Meeting BabyX

There have only been two people I loved so far. Now, I am a businessman, and so I don’t like to deal with feelings. Instead I prefer dealing with stocks and finances. However, when I do deal with feelings, specifically my feelings with other people, specifically romantic feelings, I don’t hold back. I go all the way. And that’s how I fall in love without a second thought. Without any thought!

Two years ago I was in a relationship with my Israeli-Baby. It got so serious that I converted to Judaism and we were going to have a Big Fat Greek-Jewish Wedding. Of course none of this happened. We broke up, I remained a Jew (because I made a commitment to the religion not just to her), she set up a business in Athens and moved back to Tel Aviv, got back with her ex and now live together in an area called Ramat Gan. When my heartbreak was over, I started dating and then I found BabyX. Actually she found me, but that’s another story.

Now, I won’t go into details, but BabyX like Israeli-Baby was wrong for me. Though we stayed ‘friends’ (I don’t know how people stay friends with their exes) I cut off contact with her (I even deleted her from my facebook !!!!!) and never wanted to see her again.
Until I did. In zoo. With my someone else. But not who you think.
‘BabyBusinessMan, hey. How are you?’ she said coming up to me, looking great and showing me her most amazing smile. She touched me lightly on the chest and leaned in where I could inhale her deep scent (Chanel Numver 5). She drove me crazy. I wanted her but…
‘I’m fine BabyX, how are you?’ I said friendly but distant. And trying not to appear too drunk.
‘I’m fine. You are looking good. So sexy.’ So was she. She was also excellent at PR. Even after a relationship has withered and ended. I glanced to a person next to her. There was a girl who looked so familiar. It couldn’t be! Could it?
Next to BabyX, was MyNemesis!

Now, MyNemesis was the nastiest, bitchiest girl you will ever meet (who now works in Nicosia but lives in Limassol – so at least there is distance between us). We had such abusive fights (verbal - I would never hit a girl) at school that teachers actually had trouble stopping the swearing. Recently I bumped into MyNemesis before I dated BabyX in Nicosia, and she seemed really nice and friendly. But then, so did Judas.

As I was saying I never wanted to see My Nemesis again (because I hated her) and I never wanted to see BabyX again (because I loved/love her and it is just too painful). So there I am in Zoo with my good friend Cake, dancing, drinking and having a good time when BabyX appeared and wanted to say ‘hello.’ It became a lot worse when the person I hated was with her too. And my mood just dropped. I wanted to smash through the glass on the fourth floor onto the ground below. Of course I didn’t. So instead I drank two more vodka-oranges, a beer, a whiskey and then another beer. I was so drunk that when I got home I puked in the toilet, in the bath and by my bed. Now that’s sexy!
‘How do you know MyNemesis?’ I asked BabyX.
‘From around’ she said and holding my hand.
From around? How is that possible? They didn’t even go to the same school they didn’t even live in the same city. They had five years age difference between them, and they were there, in zoo, looking hot, and talking to me. WHAT? What is going on?

And guys, the irony, the fucking irony! In front of me stood love and hate. The girl I was crazy for, BabyX was with the girl I hated MyNemesis. And what’s more, they were friends!
It made me realise Cyprus is so small. For some reason I have a problem with dimensions and think this place is London. Or because people think I am a foreigner I slip under the radar. But in fact I am Cypriot, I live in Nicosia now, and as it turns out, I know people who know people I dated. I don’t think I’m in London anymore Toto!
‘Anyway, it’s great seeing you’ she said and left tossing her hair back, with MyNemsis smiling sweetly and waving.

In the end though, I got what I wanted; not to see them again. And I haven’t seen them since. Although now, I want to, because I want to know everything: how they know each other; what they do together and what they think of me. Probably, to them, I’m another asshole BabyBusinessMan. But it’s true what BabyX said though. I did look good in the club. At least I could sleep at night now (when I am not puking that is).

The truth about Aradipou architechture

DISCLAIMER:

Yesterday I wrote about my friend who wanted to have a threesome in Aradipou and I mentioned that it would probably take place in the bottom of a gutter.

Dear Readers, I was mistaken. One fellow blogger Τσαρτελλούι (whose fun and insightful blog you can find in the link section further down) actually corrected me and said that, although A/pou is still trashy...

'Sex in Aradipou means it 'll be in an ugly-Parthenon-wanna-be-mansion. Ξέρεις, που τζείνα τα τεράστια κακόγουστα κτίσματα με τις κολόνες δωρικού τύπου και τα αετώματα. Στο 2008.'

So there you have it! I don't know what's worse. In a gutter or in an ugly mansion. Personally I wouldn't know what to do first in a house like that. Get laid or redecorate.

But, the reason I made this mistake and said that sex will take place in a gutter instead of a distasteful, ugly mansion with over-the-top Greek columns is because I have only been to Aradipou once, and that is only because I got lost going to the airport. I have only been back in Cyprus for a year and don't know the way. When you end up in Aradipou, you want to get out of there as soon as possible and so I didn't take it all the sites! Who would want to?

Luckily I found the airport, and wanted to board a plane after seeing what A/pou is like. But I just picked up friend and drove the long way round, back to Nicosia.

So thanks again Tsartelloui! You learn something new every day!

Friendship-Coutoure

So I’ve been seeing this girl I met in a bar last week. You can’t miss her. She is the bar woman after all. So I invited her to spend some time with me at a pool bar the next day. I didn’t expect her to turn up, but she did, with a friend (who I almost accidentally dated – but that’s another blog story).
It turns out we got on really well and met up again. And again. And again.

But I didn’t want to screw things up as I usually do. Ordinarilly, if I like someone, I want to be with them. It’s just like that. I love you or hate you. There is no like. But as I had such a tough year, dating-wise, I didn’t want to open up my heart – and neither did she.

Now , Although I liked her, I decided to try a new tactic. Not to be so full-on and to appear a lot more relaxed.
‘I like you.’ I began ‘but I don’t want a relationship. Whatever I say to you, wherever I invite you, it’s as a friend. Sure we have sex, but I like spending time with you in this context, rather than in a romantic context.’
And she agreed with me. She nodded her head vigorously, and reiterated what I had just said by saying that he just came out of a relationship and didn’t want anything serious either. And so we decided to chill, and let it flow (can you imagine? Me? BabyBusinessMan who is so used to schedules and deadlines letting it flow? What am I? A rapper now?)

But still… that’s what I decided to do. Just see where it goes. Without an agenda. And you know what; I actually began enjoying myself; just spending time with someone, talking, going to the beach and having sex without trying to turn this into a relationship wasn’t too bad. We could hang out and go clubbing and feeling won’t get in the way. Or will they?

That’s when I got thinking… what if… for example… we are at a club together, as friend, and then he meets someone else, and decided to go home with him. What next? We are friends but we also fuck. It’s the grey zone between friendship and relationship, the undefined blurring of the lines of dating no-man’s line. What happens then? How would I feel, and what do I do about it? So decided to ask my two goo friends, Party-Animal and Eurotrash.

‘There is nothing you can do’ said Party-Animal. ‘As you said BabyBusinessMan, it’s a grey zone. There are no rules.’
‘But doesn’t that mean that because there are no rules, you can do what you want?’
‘Yes, but so can she… which he is what she is doing, if she decides to get with someone in the club. So you’ll have to deal with it. You can’t lay claim on your friendship the way you can on your girlfriend.’
‘But what if it me who invited her to the club? As my date?’
‘But she is not your date, she is your friend. And even if it seems rude that she’ll hook up with someone else, it’s not a relationship, it’s friendship!’
He kind of has a point…

‘No! Not at all!’ said Eurotrash. ‘If you are together in a club and together in bed, you are together, no matter what you call it.’
‘But it’s not called a relationship.’
‘But in a way it is a relationship whether it has the relationship label or not. What is it with you an labels?’
‘It’s more like friendship-couture. Something more than friends but less than friendship.’ I tried to explain.
‘Whatever. If you spend time together socially and sexually you are together despite what label you put on it. Plus, she works in a bar, she must meet guys all the time. Doesn’t that bother you?’
‘Hmmm… not really, if I don’t see it, then did it ever happen?’
‘So it’s only a relationship when you’re together?’ Mel asked.
‘It’s not a relationship’ I stressed.
‘You’re right, it’s friendship- couture.’
I kind of have a point…

But the irony is, I’m meant to be having a good time. Why am I stressing? I should just go with the flow. Right? Sometimes it’s hard being a baby-business-man!

(What do you guys think? Honestly... what's your opinion? If you're my readers, you gotta have an opinion)