Jealousy and the Evil Eye

So I’ve decided to keep things from my friends, not because I have anything to hide, but because of their evil eye. We were in a club a few weeks back when I met BarWoman. As I mentioned in a previous post, we got together, we hung out and had fun spending time together. At the time none of my friends knew this. Until a week later when we met up for lunch, I told PartyAnimal and our mutual friend HairStylist asked what had become of us. I hesitated in telling them for some reason but then said that ‘yes, we’re causally dating’ to which they ‘aaaah’ed’ and ‘oooooh’ed’ and then continued eating their salads.
What’s wrong with this scenario? I’ll tell you.

That day, as in everyday I sat down with them for hours that day talking about their relationships. HairStylist’s relationship revolved around hair gel and shampoo (Vidal Sassoon?). And somehow we discussed it. And why not, he’s a good friend of mine and I’ll offer this support. But when you are about to break up over the lack of use of conditioner… that’s when I need to start drinking, PartyAnimal on the other hand, did not stop talking about girls, and that she’s cute, and look at her, and what he would do with that and how hot she was and how cool and… blah blah blah. And when it was my turn al they did was raise their eyebrows. For once I had a better functioning ‘relationship’ (and I use this term in the loosest of ways) whereas all they had was a hair gel obsession and punani-fantasies. And what did I get from them, no response, no tears of joy or questions about marriage. I got nothing. Nada. No response. Not a slither of interest. Instead they asked me to pass them the salt!

Why? Because of jealousy. Which is why they gave me the evil eye. I’m sure they did, because the night before BarWoman and I had gone out and literally after the conversation with my friends, she was hard to get hold of. When I eventually did track her down she gave me some lame excuse about being busy and going on holiday (which she did in the end) but I know that my friends jinxed the relationship. I don’t like the brag or make out that I am something I am not but I know that my friends get jealous of me and want me to trip up. It’s not because they don’t like me, it’s because they don’t like me to progress. As the say in Greek they have the evil eye.

It turns out BarWoman wanted to meet up after she got back from holiday. But by then, almost a month had past since we last got together and for me the ship had sailed and the courtship had ended. Although I like her I felt that she didn’t put any energy into developing what could have been a relationship and fell out of lust with her. With me, once it’s over it’s over and there’s no going back. I like her and truly wish her the best of luck. Unlike my friends.

Jewish Men Exposed

Below I mentioned that Jewish girls now have their own cool calendar. Well in France's Stiletto magazine plans to do a huge expose on Israeli men and actually contacted the Israeli embassy in Paris to get the full low down on Israeli men and their wily ways. The special Israeli edition will focus on current affairs, the social aspects of Israel and fashion. It is claimed that Haim Revivo חיים רביבו‎ will participate in the edition (pictured below) as he is one of the best known Israelis, having played for Hapoel Tel Aviv and even Galatasaray among other teams.

Website @ http://www.stiletto.fr/

Jewish Calendar Girls

Heeb Magazine has made the first ever all-Jewish girl calendar. About time too. We've had the wifes of the Russian football sqaud make a calendar, we've seen Frencg rugby players make their nude calendars for the girls and the gays we've even seen older English women make a movie about women posing naked for a calendar. So it's high time that Jews got to bare all for the world and see how hot we are!

Website @ http://www.heebmagazine.com/

The One I Never Met

So my ex-housemates’ friend Dan bumped into me in a coffee shop in Nicosia, literally bump into me with his coffee spilling it all over my jeans and offered to buy new a new one (a new coffee not a new pair of blue jeans). Dan is the friend of my ex-housemate from uni who never ever bathed and stank like hell, I should have known that Dan would be just as slimy. Anyway Dan told me about his new housemate in Nicosia. ‘A girl who you would love’ he kept saying. At first I smiled and sipped on my latte thinking it was his usual rubbish he went on about. ‘You’d really like her’ he repeated. ‘So why don’t you introduce us then?’ I asked. ‘Oh no, I can’t, she travels a lot, she’s very cool and likes hard work, she works for the UN (like two of my exes) and I just can’t’ he went on. ‘But why?’ I insisted… and he still wouldn’t give me an actual answer. He just kept on being vague about not introducing us, but kept going on about how perfect we’d be. (And he was probably right. It’s usually people who work in tough jobs like the UN or as secret agents who can date me, only because they can keep up with my demands and unpredictable bouts of rage and madness fits). But, no he refused to make an introduction.

What was that all about? It’s like dangling sweets in front of a child and then saying ‘no you can’t have them… bad for you’re teeth you see.’ Why bother even saying anything? Why promote your housemate ‘who is great’ for me and who I’d get on with and then actually refuse to make an introduction. What kind of power trip is that? Obviously he must be scraping the bottom of the barrel and must have no one to mentally torture. And Dan knew full well that I’d be interested in dating... anyone. I’d date anything. I’d probably even date your divorced aunt with dyed red hair who lives in Australia. Or your local pharmacist. The receptionist from the hotel you stayed in this summer. Maybe even your plant. Or the person who sold the plant to you. Not because I’m desperate but because I’d never say no to an adventure. And who knows, the next one could be the one. Although in this case we went from potentially meeting ‘the one’ to meeting no one. Thanks Dan. Not only did you ruin my jeans but you ruined my mood.

Saturday Night Sleep In

It’s 11pm on a Saturday night and I... just made plans to stay home! I had agreed to go out with PartyAnimal and his friends tonight but I just called him and cancelled. ‘DO NOT TELL ME YOU’RE NOT COMING’ he bellowed when I called his mobile. I did tell him I wasn’t going and he was upset and I felt bad. I hate it when people bail on me and he must have hated it too mostly because this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Last night we agreed to go out. Well, I came to Limassol from Nicosia around 8.30 pm. By 9pm I was in bed asleep. I didn’t even have a shower (and I have two a day since I could remember). I just took of my clothes and lay on the bed. I didn’t even cover myself. I got up at 10am! And PartyAnimal went to the club around 12… without me… again. So it is completely understandable that he is upset.
I do not know what has come over me lately. When I was at Uni, I would go out, drink like a fish, get home around 3am (of course clubs shut earlier in the UK) get up at 8am and be in lecturers by 9am. Now, if I have more than two Margaritas I need to take a morning off work. And I can’t do that. I’m BabyBusinessMan, the Business world needs me the way a strip club needs strippers!

Reasons for not going out tonight
1) I need to wax my legs: I don’t care how gay that sounds, I want to wear shorts, and although they are still more or less smooth my ‘stylist’ is in the Bahamas
2) I need to save money. I need to pay of my debts. I don’t work hard for fun you know
3) I feel fat. If you saw me you’d think that I haven’t eaten since 1992. Although I look good I don’t feel it. I need to go to the gym
4) It’s been 53 days since I stopped smoking and I don’t want to start again. I didn’t blog it because I didn’t want to jinx myself, but I’m still worried that I’ll light up on the dance floor if a sexy random refuses to dance with me. Say awwww…
5) I want to get up early to make the most of my Sunday. I’m BabyBusinessMan and so my time is precious. If I’m not getting paid then I want to make the most of my free time.
6) I don’t want to drink too much. I don’t know what is happening to me. Last year I drank Cider by the gallon now a slight aperitif after dinner makes me drunk.
7) I need a haircut. I feel silly not looking extra-good.
8) For some reason all I want to do is work and go shopping. Last month I was so bored I bought a house. I don’t seem to want to go out. Why? What’s wrong with me?
9) I just want to blog for you guys!
10) I’m having guests next week and will show them around Nicosia. That’ll be a big night so I should save for it!

Reasons to go out tonight
1) PartyAnimal called me a 70 year old and another friend said I’m a party-pooper. It’s not true is it?
2) I should go out to prove to them that the above statement isn’t true.
3) PartyAnimal said that I’d meet the girls of my dreams if I go out. I’m tempted to believe him. But the place we’re going, people have sex in the bathrooms, I know this because I was one of those people so… do you want to marry them (That is not to say that I’m not marriage material. I am. The list above this one proves it). (The fact that I used to have sex in the bathrooms proves that I shouldn’t go because I behave badly. Actually once PartyAnimal came into the bathroom and saw my legs sliding from under the door while I was in the cubicle with an… erm… a ‘date.’ I don’t remember this but he said it was funny).
4) To be funny for PartyAnimal as the note above states!
5) If I don’t go it’s like I’m becoming boring and I used to be the original party boy. There wasn’t one drink I didn’t try, there wasn’t one song I didn’t dance to and there wasn’t one club I didn’t go to (because they kept throwing me out).

In the end I’m staying home. I really do want to get up at 7am and go jogging, so I'm using not going out as an excuse. I’m sitting here in my boxers writing this. I’m bored out of my mind at home. I might be bored at the club. It’s a lose-lose situation. I know once I go to the club I’ll have fun, but I can’t even be bothered to put my socks on. I’d rather take them off… but not in the bathrooms of the club though!

Gossip from Laverne

So my friend Laverne who travelled with me on the Balkan Bonanza had some extra gossip to tell me when she was going to London to catch-up with friends. What she really meant was that she was going to speak with her shrink, go to exclusive spas and shop from Primark, despite coming from the OC. I’m serious!

So on her way to her ‘rejuvenation’ trip, to prepare herself for an important social function in… October she calls to tell me her news. Now I was on my way to a meeting and so this had to be important. You decide:

'Yesterday I was at Heathrow and as soon as a this a BRIT-ISH woman (she said British by purposely leaving out the ‘T’ so as to sound cockney although she practically sounds like a Valley girl) arrived from Beijing, no doubt an Olympic fan! She was such a hobo. Anyway her what appeared to be boyfriend proposed to her right there at Terminal Five near the trash cans...but...the woman said ‘no’... the bitch actually said no, and the entire airport was screaming ‘say yes say yes’.... but I guess it was a no... '

‘But do you think it’s the thing that women do when a yes means no and a no means yes?’ I asked her being the hopeless romantic that I am.

‘It was certainly a no!’ she said almost angrily. She continued…’while at the same time there was a regal Indian woman (she pronounced Indian as In-Jan) perhaps a glimpse of myself in 50 years, screaming to her assistant that he was a fool for not pushing her wheelchair properly... BabyBusinessMan you just gotta love Terminal 5...

Now you tell me how important that is. I was late for my meeting and could have cost my client five million dollars! I mean… there is a recession hello?????
But I have to admit. Laverne does have the best gossip from Terminal Five!

Balkan Photos 2

More photos from the Balkan Bonanza:

Top to Bottom: Leaving Athens // Herceg Novi, Montenegro // Dubrovnik, Croatia